Bye bye 2009

Adios 2009, you won't be missed.
I can honestly say you are possibly the worst year in my entire life.. and I would love nothing more than to erase you completely from my memory. Since I cannot do that, I will have to cope with your shitastic ways, and hopefully come out with my head above the turbulent waters.

I have lost so much this year, it is ridiculous. My Yia Yia in July, my Daddy in October, I'm done with you death. Go pick on someone your own size. Leave me, and my family the hell alone. I have suffered much, and I will probably suffer every day of my life... over this crap.... people tell me that it will make me stronger... I really hope they are right, because sometimes I don't feel very strong at all.

This year has brought me nothing but pain, grief, and low self worth. The lack of a 'real' job, that will actually lead me somewhere in this life has to do with the latter.

Instead of more bitching... I am going to make a list of resolutions. I am going to follow this list of resolutions, and it will be a better year. Damnit.

Here we go:
1. clean my room
2. clean the basement
3. apply to jobs on a frequent basis
4. workout more (let's face it, my muscles need it)
5. do not be afraid of new things
6. think positively (this one is going to be hard)
7. be a better person
8. shower more
9. eat greens
10. be myself.. forever and for always
11. date more, I'm young and I'm allowed to have fun, with more than one guy at a time (like that will ever happen)

I really don't have anything else to say.

So... HAPPY 2010 EVERYBODY! I hope this new year finds you well. Health, happiness, sexy times ( a winky wink;) I know I miss that.....

Peace.

Bye bye 2009

Adios 2009, you won't be missed.
I can honestly say you are possibly the worst year in my entire life.. and I would love nothing more than to erase you completely from my memory. Since I cannot do that, I will have to cope with your shitastic ways, and hopefully come out with my head above the turbulent waters.

I have lost so much this year, it is ridiculous. My Yia Yia in July, my Daddy in October, I'm done with you death. Go pick on someone your own size. Leave me, and my family the hell alone. I have suffered much, and I will probably suffer every day of my life... over this crap.... people tell me that it will make me stronger... I really hope they are right, because sometimes I don't feel very strong at all.

This year has brought me nothing but pain, grief, and low self worth. The lack of a 'real' job, that will actually lead me somewhere in this life has to do with the latter.

Instead of more bitching... I am going to make a list of resolutions. I am going to follow this list of resolutions, and it will be a better year. Damnit.

Here we go:
1. clean my room
2. clean the basement
3. apply to jobs on a frequent basis
4. workout more (let's face it, my muscles need it)
5. do not be afraid of new things
6. think positively (this one is going to be hard)
7. be a better person
8. shower more
9. eat greens
10. be myself.. forever and for always
11. date more, I'm young and I'm allowed to have fun, with more than one guy at a time (like that will ever happen)

I really don't have anything else to say.

So... HAPPY 2010 EVERYBODY! I hope this new year finds you well. Health, happiness, sexy times ( a winky wink;) I know I miss that.....

Peace.

Merry Christmas Daddy

Happy Holidays everyone.
Here's a little ditty by yours truly. It isn't the greatest... so yeah.

We used to play catch and soccer too
You taught me how to be strong
And I taught you...
How to stay young
Hip and 'with it'

We were a team of goofballs you and I
Always laughing
Rarely you made me cry
You were a great listener
Arms always open for a hug

Never hesitant
Never compromising
Just how much you loved
Your Family

I'll try to keep my 'chin up'
But it will never be easy
I will never be the same

I love you and I miss you, Dad
I hope one day
We meet again

Merry Christmas Daddy

Happy Holidays everyone.
Here's a little ditty by yours truly. It isn't the greatest... so yeah.

We used to play catch and soccer too
You taught me how to be strong
And I taught you...
How to stay young
Hip and 'with it'

We were a team of goofballs you and I
Always laughing
Rarely you made me cry
You were a great listener
Arms always open for a hug

Never hesitant
Never compromising
Just how much you loved
Your Family

I'll try to keep my 'chin up'
But it will never be easy
I will never be the same

I love you and I miss you, Dad
I hope one day
We meet again

We're All In the Same Boat

Called unemployment.. or dissatisfaction with ones current employment.
Here is a solution to your problem my fellow college grads.
Enjoy.

http://www.gradstaff.com/

This might be the website for you. I believe I found this through my Mom's friend. I have to say, I got an email from the position I applied to within the week! I do not have said position yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the phone interview goes well. :)

This economy is rough, not just on recent college grads, but I would imagine the rest of our population as well. This site is obviously geared towards those of us with little to no experience in an actual working environment. In other words, we have a chance. Our lack of experience just might be the key to a new career.

I sound so positive right now, it makes me want to punch a baby. Ok, not really. Anyways, check it out if you all want.

Best of luck.

Keep in touch.

SEP

We're All In the Same Boat

Called unemployment.. or dissatisfaction with ones current employment.
Here is a solution to your problem my fellow college grads.
Enjoy.

http://www.gradstaff.com/

This might be the website for you. I believe I found this through my Mom's friend. I have to say, I got an email from the position I applied to within the week! I do not have said position yet, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the phone interview goes well. :)

This economy is rough, not just on recent college grads, but I would imagine the rest of our population as well. This site is obviously geared towards those of us with little to no experience in an actual working environment. In other words, we have a chance. Our lack of experience just might be the key to a new career.

I sound so positive right now, it makes me want to punch a baby. Ok, not really. Anyways, check it out if you all want.

Best of luck.

Keep in touch.

SEP

Happiness.... I miss it

The title should pretty much explain everything.
Here are a few updates on my life if anyone cares...poetry may or may not go up here later... we'll see....
1. my Yia Yia passed away in July
2. my Dad passed away Oct. 29, 2009 from a sudden stroke he suffered earlier that week. He died a day before he and my Mom's birthday. Yes, they were born on the same day. You know what my Mom had to do for her birthday? Pick out her husband's headstone.... and her own. WTF? Life is a heartless, cruel, sadistic, bitch.
3. met a new guy, I'm not gonna mention names. Things look alright between us so far, nothing serious, which is a good thing. We are just 'hanging out' seeing where stuff goes. So far, so good... but, ya never know. That's the only positive part thus far.

Everything else just blows. That's the best way to describe it all.... blows.

For those of you that still have both or even one of your parents... be they biological for some of you, or not.... don't ever take them for granted. Tomorrow is promised to no one. I will live with the last thing I ever said to my Dad, the last weekend I saw him alive. I was heading to work, and all I said was 'Bye Dad, I'll see you later.' That, was it. I don't remember if I said I loved him or not, I just hope he knows how much I do.

I don't have much else to say.

That's all.

Happiness.... I miss it

The title should pretty much explain everything.
Here are a few updates on my life if anyone cares...poetry may or may not go up here later... we'll see....
1. my Yia Yia passed away in July
2. my Dad passed away Oct. 29, 2009 from a sudden stroke he suffered earlier that week. He died a day before he and my Mom's birthday. Yes, they were born on the same day. You know what my Mom had to do for her birthday? Pick out her husband's headstone.... and her own. WTF? Life is a heartless, cruel, sadistic, bitch.
3. met a new guy, I'm not gonna mention names. Things look alright between us so far, nothing serious, which is a good thing. We are just 'hanging out' seeing where stuff goes. So far, so good... but, ya never know. That's the only positive part thus far.

Everything else just blows. That's the best way to describe it all.... blows.

For those of you that still have both or even one of your parents... be they biological for some of you, or not.... don't ever take them for granted. Tomorrow is promised to no one. I will live with the last thing I ever said to my Dad, the last weekend I saw him alive. I was heading to work, and all I said was 'Bye Dad, I'll see you later.' That, was it. I don't remember if I said I loved him or not, I just hope he knows how much I do.

I don't have much else to say.

That's all.

A Depression Survey Can Take You Places

After an interesting survey with my babygurl... I've put what I've been feeling lately into words... this doesn't express everything... but, the smallest portion of whatever it is I'm going through... read it.. or don't.. I could care less honestly



I am a lost ship
cast out to sea
sails are down
feeling melancholy

the waves wrap around me
in violent shades of gray
my throat is full of salt


the water is closing in now
my lungs do scream for air
all alone I float
I float alone
out there

she wants me now
that ocean deep
she'll take me down
it's true

the funny thing is
I don't want to fight her
I'll let her take me
I'm ready

A Depression Survey Can Take You Places

After an interesting survey with my babygurl... I've put what I've been feeling lately into words... this doesn't express everything... but, the smallest portion of whatever it is I'm going through... read it.. or don't.. I could care less honestly



I am a lost ship
cast out to sea
sails are down
feeling melancholy

the waves wrap around me
in violent shades of gray
my throat is full of salt


the water is closing in now
my lungs do scream for air
all alone I float
I float alone
out there

she wants me now
that ocean deep
she'll take me down
it's true

the funny thing is
I don't want to fight her
I'll let her take me
I'm ready

Chicago Chick Flicks Examiner

Hello everyone,
I know this is shameless advertising, but if you guys could take some time to read my articles that I post weekly for the Examiner.com, it would be much appreciated. If any of you would like to become Examiners I would strongly encourage it... feel free to name me as your referral, then you can pass the message along and refer more of your friends as well. When you refer a friend, Examiner will pay you $50 dollars to a paypal account (which you have to register for). At least that's what I was told, if they don't follow through, I'll be sure to let everyone know.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this.

Keep writing... and do keep in touch.

www.examiner.com/x-23240-Chicago-Chick-Flicks-Examiner

Chicago Chick Flicks Examiner

Hello everyone,
I know this is shameless advertising, but if you guys could take some time to read my articles that I post weekly for the Examiner.com, it would be much appreciated. If any of you would like to become Examiners I would strongly encourage it... feel free to name me as your referral, then you can pass the message along and refer more of your friends as well. When you refer a friend, Examiner will pay you $50 dollars to a paypal account (which you have to register for). At least that's what I was told, if they don't follow through, I'll be sure to let everyone know.

Thanks everyone for taking the time to read this.

Keep writing... and do keep in touch.

www.examiner.com/x-23240-Chicago-Chick-Flicks-Examiner

Dreams

Lately I have had some pretty awful nightmares. Some pertaining to family members and others pertaining to myself. I always find that my dreams become more graphic if I am stressed or maybe a lil depressed about something going on in my real life.

Here's a dream I had earlier this week. I was pregnant (entirely impossible, and frightening mind you) and the pregnancy was difficult. I had no idea who the father was, but I think I had a boy.. I'm not sure. Anyway, as I'm giving birth my heart apparently stops twice during the dream!!!! Those two times I woke up... startled wondering what the hell was going on... feeling like I had no air! Creepiest feeling ever. Maybe I wasn't breathing? I dunno.

The second dream I had was too disturbing to even write here. It upset me so much, I can barely think about it without feeling ill.

I had a dream about my Yia Yia a few weeks ago. It was eerie.. I didn't feel afraid, I just felt sad when I woke up. As if, my heart has finally accepted the fact that she is really gone, even though my mind doesn't want to. Maybe it's a message from my Yia Yia? I think that if she wanted to send me a message it would be more obvious. I would know what it is when it happens and exactly what she wants me to discover. I know it was her time, but still.. when I pass her room in my Aunt's house.. I have to fight back the tears. It might be like this for awhile.

A girl I used to work with at Potbelly's lost her baby earlier this week. I can't imagine how she must feel. She was pretty mean to me and others there, but still.. I would never wish that pain on anyone. I hope she's alright.

Still searching for something better. I might get a phone interview the 17th... we shall see. Who knows.

I'm also writing for Examiner.com on the side for experience. Please check me out. I am under the Arts & Entertainment section... under Chicago Chick Flicks Examiner. The more you read, the more pennies I receive... seriously.

We out.

Dreams

Lately I have had some pretty awful nightmares. Some pertaining to family members and others pertaining to myself. I always find that my dreams become more graphic if I am stressed or maybe a lil depressed about something going on in my real life.

Here's a dream I had earlier this week. I was pregnant (entirely impossible, and frightening mind you) and the pregnancy was difficult. I had no idea who the father was, but I think I had a boy.. I'm not sure. Anyway, as I'm giving birth my heart apparently stops twice during the dream!!!! Those two times I woke up... startled wondering what the hell was going on... feeling like I had no air! Creepiest feeling ever. Maybe I wasn't breathing? I dunno.

The second dream I had was too disturbing to even write here. It upset me so much, I can barely think about it without feeling ill.

I had a dream about my Yia Yia a few weeks ago. It was eerie.. I didn't feel afraid, I just felt sad when I woke up. As if, my heart has finally accepted the fact that she is really gone, even though my mind doesn't want to. Maybe it's a message from my Yia Yia? I think that if she wanted to send me a message it would be more obvious. I would know what it is when it happens and exactly what she wants me to discover. I know it was her time, but still.. when I pass her room in my Aunt's house.. I have to fight back the tears. It might be like this for awhile.

A girl I used to work with at Potbelly's lost her baby earlier this week. I can't imagine how she must feel. She was pretty mean to me and others there, but still.. I would never wish that pain on anyone. I hope she's alright.

Still searching for something better. I might get a phone interview the 17th... we shall see. Who knows.

I'm also writing for Examiner.com on the side for experience. Please check me out. I am under the Arts & Entertainment section... under Chicago Chick Flicks Examiner. The more you read, the more pennies I receive... seriously.

We out.

Estoy Aqui

I am here. And, I suppose that counts for something, right?

There isn't much going on here... I am just applying to jobs left and right... all the while hoping something bites.. maybe it will.. maybe it won't. I'm not going to lie.. keeping one's chin up is a daunting task indeed.

Here's to all the college graduates looking for something better out there... we will find it... it will just take some time. I have zero patience.. how about you?

One's goals and dreams are not easily attainable.. but, somehow.. with a little lucky and old fashioned elbow grease it can all come together.

"Come together... right now, over me"

And a made up poem just for shits and giggles

I am not meant for a diamond ring
I am not meant for that kind of thing
I am a girl with wit and craze
Just the sheer thought of marriage puts me in a daze

To some it is right
To some it is needed
To some it is just what
well, no explanation is heeded

I will walk this earth
this path alone
I will find my way
Cause it's all I know

I am not meant for a diamond ring

But, what I would give....

For...

Something

Estoy Aqui

I am here. And, I suppose that counts for something, right?

There isn't much going on here... I am just applying to jobs left and right... all the while hoping something bites.. maybe it will.. maybe it won't. I'm not going to lie.. keeping one's chin up is a daunting task indeed.

Here's to all the college graduates looking for something better out there... we will find it... it will just take some time. I have zero patience.. how about you?

One's goals and dreams are not easily attainable.. but, somehow.. with a little lucky and old fashioned elbow grease it can all come together.

"Come together... right now, over me"

And a made up poem just for shits and giggles

I am not meant for a diamond ring
I am not meant for that kind of thing
I am a girl with wit and craze
Just the sheer thought of marriage puts me in a daze

To some it is right
To some it is needed
To some it is just what
well, no explanation is heeded

I will walk this earth
this path alone
I will find my way
Cause it's all I know

I am not meant for a diamond ring

But, what I would give....

For...

Something

The Last Of It's Kind

It's a sad thing... when summers end. I've always associated summers with childhood... carefree, fun, that sort of feeling has since diminished in my life and is now replaced with jobs, loans, and an uncertain yet hopefully exciting future.. that I can't see in to or imagine how things are going to pan out....

This summer felt different. I see it as the last of it's kind. For me at least. I was able to travel to Hawaii, Oklahoma, and Wisconsin in one summer. And, somehow through careful planning I didn't have to break the bank (mainly because my Dad helped out with the flight to Okie.. I am so grateful for that). (And, James, Ashley's fiance helped with the flight out to Hawaii).

It was difficult for me to accept that trip at first, because I have a really hard time asking for help with money stuff from people outside of my family. You can tell I have bratty tendencies when I feel that my parents should volunteer to help out with a few things, I hate that they have to, but at the same time.. I want them to. Friends on the other hand shouldn't have to worry about such things at all... which is why James is so very kind in allowing me to visit Ashley in paradise this summer. :) I have good people in my life... I don't know if I deserve them, but they are there.

I've also learned who real friends are, and who aren't. It is amazing that certain people that live so far away (Ashley and Katie) I remain so close to, when others in the same state as myself... I feel like we are just fading. Our friendship is slowly dying, and the belated text/facebook messages seem futile sometimes. I don't know why I bother with some people. I don't feel appreciated with said individuals (I'm not going to mention names). I can see certain friendships fading as this year continues, and these friendships.. I'm not so sure I want to fight for. I tend to give people too many chances, and I'm the one that winds up suffering for it, so it's time to put my foot down and leave the ball in their court. If they want to be my friend so damn badly, they can start acting like it more... instead of the other way around.

For those that know me well, we all know I will still forgive.. way.. too.. easily... eh, whatever.

I lost my Yia Yia this summer. :( It still hurts pretty bad, but I don't cry about it as often as I did before. I think I'm supressing it...which is not the wisest of choices, but I have to be strong for my Aunt... so, I will put my pain aside for her. It's the least I can do after everything she has done for me. I hope my Yia Yia is in a better place... no, I know she is.

Now, I guess I must venture towards adulthood. It's really pretty scary, and exciting all at the same time. Especially now that I'm single for the first time in a long time. There are moments when I wish I had someone, but those moments turn to dust quickly when I think of all the effort put in a relationship, and to be quite honest the last/only two I have ever been in.. I felt like I was making all the effort when the other party wanted to call things quits. No more of that. Yeah, I'm used to getting dumped.. but, the second time around seemed easier... I guess that's just how things go after your heart has been broken for the first time.. not that it didn't break the second time.. just not as bad.

Maybe it's because I saw it, and wanted it secretly? And, because we still chat? Who knows... all I know is, I don't want to talk to guys because I don't want to lead them on and make them think I want more. When, all I want is something casual... at least for now. Any guys I talk to in the future.. I can only hope will understand this.

As I watch some friends go back to school, get engaged, move in with boyfriends, or get married.. I realize how happy I am for each and every one of them, and how I am ready for none of those commitments, and where I am right now, is exactly where I am supposed to be. One day I will get a full time job... in some boring office.. and I'll bitch about bills and shit while living in my own place. That day seems far now.. but, one day I will get there...

It's all about the journey...

I suppose.

The Last Of It's Kind

It's a sad thing... when summers end. I've always associated summers with childhood... carefree, fun, that sort of feeling has since diminished in my life and is now replaced with jobs, loans, and an uncertain yet hopefully exciting future.. that I can't see in to or imagine how things are going to pan out....

This summer felt different. I see it as the last of it's kind. For me at least. I was able to travel to Hawaii, Oklahoma, and Wisconsin in one summer. And, somehow through careful planning I didn't have to break the bank (mainly because my Dad helped out with the flight to Okie.. I am so grateful for that). (And, James, Ashley's fiance helped with the flight out to Hawaii).

It was difficult for me to accept that trip at first, because I have a really hard time asking for help with money stuff from people outside of my family. You can tell I have bratty tendencies when I feel that my parents should volunteer to help out with a few things, I hate that they have to, but at the same time.. I want them to. Friends on the other hand shouldn't have to worry about such things at all... which is why James is so very kind in allowing me to visit Ashley in paradise this summer. :) I have good people in my life... I don't know if I deserve them, but they are there.

I've also learned who real friends are, and who aren't. It is amazing that certain people that live so far away (Ashley and Katie) I remain so close to, when others in the same state as myself... I feel like we are just fading. Our friendship is slowly dying, and the belated text/facebook messages seem futile sometimes. I don't know why I bother with some people. I don't feel appreciated with said individuals (I'm not going to mention names). I can see certain friendships fading as this year continues, and these friendships.. I'm not so sure I want to fight for. I tend to give people too many chances, and I'm the one that winds up suffering for it, so it's time to put my foot down and leave the ball in their court. If they want to be my friend so damn badly, they can start acting like it more... instead of the other way around.

For those that know me well, we all know I will still forgive.. way.. too.. easily... eh, whatever.

I lost my Yia Yia this summer. :( It still hurts pretty bad, but I don't cry about it as often as I did before. I think I'm supressing it...which is not the wisest of choices, but I have to be strong for my Aunt... so, I will put my pain aside for her. It's the least I can do after everything she has done for me. I hope my Yia Yia is in a better place... no, I know she is.

Now, I guess I must venture towards adulthood. It's really pretty scary, and exciting all at the same time. Especially now that I'm single for the first time in a long time. There are moments when I wish I had someone, but those moments turn to dust quickly when I think of all the effort put in a relationship, and to be quite honest the last/only two I have ever been in.. I felt like I was making all the effort when the other party wanted to call things quits. No more of that. Yeah, I'm used to getting dumped.. but, the second time around seemed easier... I guess that's just how things go after your heart has been broken for the first time.. not that it didn't break the second time.. just not as bad.

Maybe it's because I saw it, and wanted it secretly? And, because we still chat? Who knows... all I know is, I don't want to talk to guys because I don't want to lead them on and make them think I want more. When, all I want is something casual... at least for now. Any guys I talk to in the future.. I can only hope will understand this.

As I watch some friends go back to school, get engaged, move in with boyfriends, or get married.. I realize how happy I am for each and every one of them, and how I am ready for none of those commitments, and where I am right now, is exactly where I am supposed to be. One day I will get a full time job... in some boring office.. and I'll bitch about bills and shit while living in my own place. That day seems far now.. but, one day I will get there...

It's all about the journey...

I suppose.

La Vida- not so loca

I'll be leaving for Oklahoma this weekend to see Katie. :) I'm pretty excited since I never get to see her over the summer and she leaves soon to study abroad in Italy! :( My Dad was sweet enough to pay for the trip, which I really appreciate... it's a grad gift if you will, because they know how much I want to see her. I'll be there til the 6th.. then Ashley will be in town til the 12th, so that should be fun too. :) :)

I've been thinking that around this time a year ago I would be getting ready to head back to ISU, packing shit up, driving down to the apartment and loading everything in. But, this year... when mid August rolls around, I don't have to go back. And, I'm sort of relieved. Yes, college was in fact the best four years of my life, and I can never replace the wonderful memories that happened there, but at the same time, I won't miss living in that apartment, or walking to classes in below zero weather. Now, I will just be at home, hoping that when the college kids leave I can take their hours at work, so I can make more money to start paying off my loans come December. That's what I'm worried about now. That's what life is now. Loans, loans, and did I mention loans? Oh, and applying for jobs, which I am really starting to hate. It seems futile, even though I know I shouldn't give up, a part of me really, and truly, wants to.

I just think grad school might be in the cards for me. Maybe a school in downtown Chicago? Or, out of state? I would prefer out of state for the hell of it, for the adventure of it all... but, given money issues... who knows. I want to be south.. I don't want to deal with winters anymore or ever again for that matter.

That is definitely my life.... thus far.

Do you ever ask yourself what love is? What is it? How do you know you feel it/have it? Or, do you only realize it was ever there when it's gone? Just some random thoughts for the day I suppose....

Back to applying for jobs, and packing. Laters.

La Vida- not so loca

I'll be leaving for Oklahoma this weekend to see Katie. :) I'm pretty excited since I never get to see her over the summer and she leaves soon to study abroad in Italy! :( My Dad was sweet enough to pay for the trip, which I really appreciate... it's a grad gift if you will, because they know how much I want to see her. I'll be there til the 6th.. then Ashley will be in town til the 12th, so that should be fun too. :) :)

I've been thinking that around this time a year ago I would be getting ready to head back to ISU, packing shit up, driving down to the apartment and loading everything in. But, this year... when mid August rolls around, I don't have to go back. And, I'm sort of relieved. Yes, college was in fact the best four years of my life, and I can never replace the wonderful memories that happened there, but at the same time, I won't miss living in that apartment, or walking to classes in below zero weather. Now, I will just be at home, hoping that when the college kids leave I can take their hours at work, so I can make more money to start paying off my loans come December. That's what I'm worried about now. That's what life is now. Loans, loans, and did I mention loans? Oh, and applying for jobs, which I am really starting to hate. It seems futile, even though I know I shouldn't give up, a part of me really, and truly, wants to.

I just think grad school might be in the cards for me. Maybe a school in downtown Chicago? Or, out of state? I would prefer out of state for the hell of it, for the adventure of it all... but, given money issues... who knows. I want to be south.. I don't want to deal with winters anymore or ever again for that matter.

That is definitely my life.... thus far.

Do you ever ask yourself what love is? What is it? How do you know you feel it/have it? Or, do you only realize it was ever there when it's gone? Just some random thoughts for the day I suppose....

Back to applying for jobs, and packing. Laters.

I Can't Sleep... So I Write Instead...

I just can't seem to sleep these days. Not that it really matters. The only time I get a good rest is if I have been doing physical activity during the day, which if you know me, I live a very sedentary lifestyle.... not good, I know. Or, I am sick.. being ill definitely knocks me out. My throat is a little sore as of right now, but that's because an hour ago... I was chatting away with some old friends from high school... and we were just having good ol girl talk... which is needed every once in awhile. :)

I just got back from a family trip to Lake Geneva, WI. It was fun. Nice to get away from Illinois... get my mind off of my Yia Yia... not that my mind will ever be off of it, but you get the drift. My Aunt joined us... so that was nice. I jetskiied with my sister, and made it out alive, let's just say I prefer the role of passenger in that situation. We also did a ropes course. There will be pics on fb later. My Mom, my sis, and I all climbed a 40ft. pole and then a 60ft. pole to zip down some hundred odd feet. I was scared shitless climbing that damn pole. My fear of heights can be quite crippling at times. Plus my hands were getting sweaty, which really didn't help matters as I tried to lift my body weight by my hands. Needless to say, it was an adrenaline rush... flying down that metal line.... I would do it again in a heartbeat.. if they have staircases instead of metal knobs to reach the top of the zip line. ;)

I got my diploma and my security deposit from Sami in one day. It was a very happy day for me because I have been waiting on both for such a long period of time. :) I like money in the bank. I wish Potbelly's gave me more hours, but since everyone is home for the summer... all the college kids.. I have to wait til they go back to school.. then hopefully days/hours will open up so I can start paying my loans.. and maybe save up for a trip to Italy.

I'll be going to Oklahoma the 1-6 to see my lovely Katie. Then, Ashley will be in town the 6-12.. and I will get to see her too. Finally, spending the summer with college friends.. which is a delight.. because in all my years at ISU we have never had the opportunities to make that happen.

Yeah, I can't think of anything else to report. A haircut is due... applying for jobs, praying for jobs, hoping for big girl jobs... you are going to hear me say that alot... sorry to whomever reads this.

I guess that's it for now. Let adulthood begin... I think.

I Can't Sleep... So I Write Instead...

I just can't seem to sleep these days. Not that it really matters. The only time I get a good rest is if I have been doing physical activity during the day, which if you know me, I live a very sedentary lifestyle.... not good, I know. Or, I am sick.. being ill definitely knocks me out. My throat is a little sore as of right now, but that's because an hour ago... I was chatting away with some old friends from high school... and we were just having good ol girl talk... which is needed every once in awhile. :)

I just got back from a family trip to Lake Geneva, WI. It was fun. Nice to get away from Illinois... get my mind off of my Yia Yia... not that my mind will ever be off of it, but you get the drift. My Aunt joined us... so that was nice. I jetskiied with my sister, and made it out alive, let's just say I prefer the role of passenger in that situation. We also did a ropes course. There will be pics on fb later. My Mom, my sis, and I all climbed a 40ft. pole and then a 60ft. pole to zip down some hundred odd feet. I was scared shitless climbing that damn pole. My fear of heights can be quite crippling at times. Plus my hands were getting sweaty, which really didn't help matters as I tried to lift my body weight by my hands. Needless to say, it was an adrenaline rush... flying down that metal line.... I would do it again in a heartbeat.. if they have staircases instead of metal knobs to reach the top of the zip line. ;)

I got my diploma and my security deposit from Sami in one day. It was a very happy day for me because I have been waiting on both for such a long period of time. :) I like money in the bank. I wish Potbelly's gave me more hours, but since everyone is home for the summer... all the college kids.. I have to wait til they go back to school.. then hopefully days/hours will open up so I can start paying my loans.. and maybe save up for a trip to Italy.

I'll be going to Oklahoma the 1-6 to see my lovely Katie. Then, Ashley will be in town the 6-12.. and I will get to see her too. Finally, spending the summer with college friends.. which is a delight.. because in all my years at ISU we have never had the opportunities to make that happen.

Yeah, I can't think of anything else to report. A haircut is due... applying for jobs, praying for jobs, hoping for big girl jobs... you are going to hear me say that alot... sorry to whomever reads this.

I guess that's it for now. Let adulthood begin... I think.

Disorganization

Even though I can be, it still annoys me.. when others are... disorganized... here is an example...

I was supposed to get my security deposit from my apartment company that I sadly was with the entire school year. I have not received a check in the mail. I call the company and they inform me that they emailed it to my apartment in Normal, even though I specifically gave them my home address. Wtf? Is it that difficult to follow directions? Really? Idiots.

I also want my diploma. It looks like I'll be giving ISU a call to see where that's at too.

I attended that school for four years, and all I have as of right now to show for it, is the pride that I did it, and a piece of paper that declares it all. Is that too much to ask? I want that piece of paper.

I guess that is all I have to say for now. I need more hours at work, and I'm still on the hunt for either a second job or full time. It would be lovely to make more money.

In other news, I'll be visiting my roomie Katie in Oklahoma very soon. :) I am quite excited about it. I want to see her off before she studies in Italy for an entire year.... tear.

Until then, I'm spending time with family, friends, and making tasty ass sandwiches at Potbelly's... someone come and visit me at work! It would be mucho fun.

Disorganization

Even though I can be, it still annoys me.. when others are... disorganized... here is an example...

I was supposed to get my security deposit from my apartment company that I sadly was with the entire school year. I have not received a check in the mail. I call the company and they inform me that they emailed it to my apartment in Normal, even though I specifically gave them my home address. Wtf? Is it that difficult to follow directions? Really? Idiots.

I also want my diploma. It looks like I'll be giving ISU a call to see where that's at too.

I attended that school for four years, and all I have as of right now to show for it, is the pride that I did it, and a piece of paper that declares it all. Is that too much to ask? I want that piece of paper.

I guess that is all I have to say for now. I need more hours at work, and I'm still on the hunt for either a second job or full time. It would be lovely to make more money.

In other news, I'll be visiting my roomie Katie in Oklahoma very soon. :) I am quite excited about it. I want to see her off before she studies in Italy for an entire year.... tear.

Until then, I'm spending time with family, friends, and making tasty ass sandwiches at Potbelly's... someone come and visit me at work! It would be mucho fun.

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory of Jane Poulakos
November 23,1915-July 1,2009
You will be missed.

This is a poem on the back of the prayer cards.

God saw she was getting tired,
and the cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around her,
and whispered "Come with me"
With tearful eyes we watched
her suffer, and saw her fade away
Although we loved her dearly,
we could not make her stay
A golden heart stopped beating
hard working hands to rest
God broke our hearts to prove
to us, He only takes the best

Yes, this is true.
I just realized I am 22 and I have no more grandparents. I never knew my grandfathers because they both died reasonably young, my Grandma Jane was in a nursing home with Dementia for 10 years. She was there since I was 8, so memories of her are quite fuzzy.... sadly.

I was definitely closer to my Yia Yia. My grandmothers were both named Jane and they both died in July. Strange.

I don't really know what else to say about all this.

I would like to thank Emily, Clarissa, Brianna, and your families for all being there for my family and myself. We greatly appreciate your kindness during this difficult time. Yia Yia loved you girls just like she did my sister and I. She would ask about you and your families all the time. You ladies are basically blood anyway. :) I love you all.... and again, thank you so much for being there. It means the world.

To my other friends that may/may not read this... thank you for your kind words... in text/facebook form... because I was too emotional to talk over the phone. Thank you. It was all appreciated.

In Loving Memory

In Loving Memory of Jane Poulakos
November 23,1915-July 1,2009
You will be missed.

This is a poem on the back of the prayer cards.

God saw she was getting tired,
and the cure was not to be,
so He put His arms around her,
and whispered "Come with me"
With tearful eyes we watched
her suffer, and saw her fade away
Although we loved her dearly,
we could not make her stay
A golden heart stopped beating
hard working hands to rest
God broke our hearts to prove
to us, He only takes the best

Yes, this is true.
I just realized I am 22 and I have no more grandparents. I never knew my grandfathers because they both died reasonably young, my Grandma Jane was in a nursing home with Dementia for 10 years. She was there since I was 8, so memories of her are quite fuzzy.... sadly.

I was definitely closer to my Yia Yia. My grandmothers were both named Jane and they both died in July. Strange.

I don't really know what else to say about all this.

I would like to thank Emily, Clarissa, Brianna, and your families for all being there for my family and myself. We greatly appreciate your kindness during this difficult time. Yia Yia loved you girls just like she did my sister and I. She would ask about you and your families all the time. You ladies are basically blood anyway. :) I love you all.... and again, thank you so much for being there. It means the world.

To my other friends that may/may not read this... thank you for your kind words... in text/facebook form... because I was too emotional to talk over the phone. Thank you. It was all appreciated.

The Body As A Prison

The body is a prison
a trap of blood and bones
it keeps you wrapped inside
and will never let you go

It doesn't matter how much you plead
or beg to 'God' above
your 'prayers' simply go unanswered
I guess that's how He Show's His Love

As your family and friends around you
get to watch you whither away
your mind it fades inside you
you can't remember anyway

This is how it feels to get old
and ever so gray
I don't want to do it
I don't want to stay

I want to be young forever
in my prison body cast
I want to keep my memories
I want to make them last

I want to turn back the hands of time
and relive happier days
But alas this cannot happen
Something stands in our way

The Body As A Prison
It isn't up to you
Anyway

The Body As A Prison

The body is a prison
a trap of blood and bones
it keeps you wrapped inside
and will never let you go

It doesn't matter how much you plead
or beg to 'God' above
your 'prayers' simply go unanswered
I guess that's how He Show's His Love

As your family and friends around you
get to watch you whither away
your mind it fades inside you
you can't remember anyway

This is how it feels to get old
and ever so gray
I don't want to do it
I don't want to stay

I want to be young forever
in my prison body cast
I want to keep my memories
I want to make them last

I want to turn back the hands of time
and relive happier days
But alas this cannot happen
Something stands in our way

The Body As A Prison
It isn't up to you
Anyway

Summer 09

Yo. I'm back. I'm not going to say 'better than ever' or any of that crap, but I'm back. Back in Illinois that is, living with my folks. I'm tired of whining about living with them, I don't like it, and I know I have the power to change it... what I need now, is the willpower. If anyone hears of a full time job in the technical writing field.. please send a message my way. I'm willing to relocate if necessary. Thanks. ;)

I just got back from an amazing 2 week trip in Hawaii. It rocked. :D I saw the most beautiful beaches, mountains, oceans, and volcanos! Can you believe it? I stood right on top of a live volcano... it was amazing. There are fotos in my Hawaii album as well. My friend Ashley and I went snorkeling, clubbing, drinking, 'getting lit', and taking care of her cute lil puppies... Dawn and Buffy. Adorable!

I must say Hawaii is another country unto itself at times. It has noticable Asian themes in the cuisine as well as in the language itself. I tried a 'manapua' and a 'malasada' for the first time. A manapua is a tasty doughlike dish with any filling you desire inside. I think meats are the main ingredient for that. The dough can be yellow or pink sometimes due to food coloring. It's pretty fun. The malasada was this wonderful sugary doughlike dish, covered in sugar and stuffed with cremes from Bavarian, to chocolate, to vanilla, to whatever one's heart desired. It certainly spiked my blood sugar! Tasty, tasty, foods.

The weather there was pretty lovely. It has an even temperature for a good part of the day, and if it rains, it rains for a few minutes.. and then abruptly stops. Ashley informed me they are called 'sun showers'. After said showers rainbows form. And, let me tell you... I have never seen a brighter, fuller, rainbow in all my life. No wonder why the license plates have rainbows on them! :D

I consider Hawaii paradise. And, I would love to go back again. Guess I better start saving up, huh?

Did I mention we got tattoos! My first wrist tat! I've always wanted one, and now I want one on the other wrist. It's a blue cherry blossom flower. I love it. Ashley got a brown and pink musical note with a peace sign in the middle of the note part. It feels good to be rebellious sometimes.

Here is a list of the wonderful things I did there.... I don't feel like going into deep detail right now because I'm lazy... so here goes.

1. Snorkeled in Haunauma Bay, and Shark's Cove
2. swam around in the Halona Blowhole... gorgeous!
3. went on a day trip to the 'Big Island' aka Hawaii, where we saw the greenest mountains and smoke filled volcanos, waterfalls, and volcanic tubes.
4. went to a small hip hop themed nightclub (that night definitely got interesting) hehe
5. I took care of her lil puppies... and although they are high maintenence, I still want a pet when I'm out of my parent's place

Overall... I say... go to Hawaii people... you shan't regret it. :D

I plan on traveling more this summer. So, I'm gonna work at Potbelly's save up that cash, and continue on my search for a 'real' big girl job. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up with that anytime soon, but hell.. it can't hurt to attempt positive thinking... right?

As this summer continues... if anything of great interest occurs.... I shall blog it.

Until then, have a great summer everyone. Keep in touch.

Signing off,
Me

Summer 09

Yo. I'm back. I'm not going to say 'better than ever' or any of that crap, but I'm back. Back in Illinois that is, living with my folks. I'm tired of whining about living with them, I don't like it, and I know I have the power to change it... what I need now, is the willpower. If anyone hears of a full time job in the technical writing field.. please send a message my way. I'm willing to relocate if necessary. Thanks. ;)

I just got back from an amazing 2 week trip in Hawaii. It rocked. :D I saw the most beautiful beaches, mountains, oceans, and volcanos! Can you believe it? I stood right on top of a live volcano... it was amazing. There are fotos in my Hawaii album as well. My friend Ashley and I went snorkeling, clubbing, drinking, 'getting lit', and taking care of her cute lil puppies... Dawn and Buffy. Adorable!

I must say Hawaii is another country unto itself at times. It has noticable Asian themes in the cuisine as well as in the language itself. I tried a 'manapua' and a 'malasada' for the first time. A manapua is a tasty doughlike dish with any filling you desire inside. I think meats are the main ingredient for that. The dough can be yellow or pink sometimes due to food coloring. It's pretty fun. The malasada was this wonderful sugary doughlike dish, covered in sugar and stuffed with cremes from Bavarian, to chocolate, to vanilla, to whatever one's heart desired. It certainly spiked my blood sugar! Tasty, tasty, foods.

The weather there was pretty lovely. It has an even temperature for a good part of the day, and if it rains, it rains for a few minutes.. and then abruptly stops. Ashley informed me they are called 'sun showers'. After said showers rainbows form. And, let me tell you... I have never seen a brighter, fuller, rainbow in all my life. No wonder why the license plates have rainbows on them! :D

I consider Hawaii paradise. And, I would love to go back again. Guess I better start saving up, huh?

Did I mention we got tattoos! My first wrist tat! I've always wanted one, and now I want one on the other wrist. It's a blue cherry blossom flower. I love it. Ashley got a brown and pink musical note with a peace sign in the middle of the note part. It feels good to be rebellious sometimes.

Here is a list of the wonderful things I did there.... I don't feel like going into deep detail right now because I'm lazy... so here goes.

1. Snorkeled in Haunauma Bay, and Shark's Cove
2. swam around in the Halona Blowhole... gorgeous!
3. went on a day trip to the 'Big Island' aka Hawaii, where we saw the greenest mountains and smoke filled volcanos, waterfalls, and volcanic tubes.
4. went to a small hip hop themed nightclub (that night definitely got interesting) hehe
5. I took care of her lil puppies... and although they are high maintenence, I still want a pet when I'm out of my parent's place

Overall... I say... go to Hawaii people... you shan't regret it. :D

I plan on traveling more this summer. So, I'm gonna work at Potbelly's save up that cash, and continue on my search for a 'real' big girl job. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up with that anytime soon, but hell.. it can't hurt to attempt positive thinking... right?

As this summer continues... if anything of great interest occurs.... I shall blog it.

Until then, have a great summer everyone. Keep in touch.

Signing off,
Me

Peoples

This is indeed the summer for change. New take on life, new take on relationships, new take on responsibilities. Let's just say I'm a single woman now, and I plan to be one for awhile. I need to get back to the basics.... get back to me. It ended mutually enough if you will, I still care for you (you know who you are) very much. I don't harbor hate or any of that immature ridiculousness. I don't know if 'friendship' is in our future or not, nor will I push it in either direction... time should just take it's course... and we shall see where things go from there. I do hope you will still be a part of my life somehow. My myspace blog delves further into this with more emotions.. and if you aren't my myspace friend I guess I don't trust you enough to read it. Lo siento. If you really want a copy, I can send it your way, but honestly that's just creepy. ;)

In other news, I'm getting a slightly used laptop tomorrow, a new phone eventually, a hair cut, and I'm taking a trip to Hawaii to see my beautiful friend Ashley. :D I couldn't be more excited. After this trip I plan on seeing Katie.. and then after that.. I am certainly up for more adventures... whoever wants to join me.. you know how to get a hold of me. Text it foos. Or just call me... I like voices.

What else is going on? My Yia Yia is still on hospice.. we aren't going to go there, let's just say it gets harder and harder everyday to see her.. and I'm leaving it at that.

I've been applying to 'big girl' jobs left and right in the technical writing field near my hometown as of right now. I am certainly up for relocation, but I'm pretty sure the business/firm would have to pay for me to do that, there's no way I could ask my parents for that kind of cash.. they've done enough for me already.

Also still on the fence with the grad school idea. I'm pretty sure the more I'm out of school, the less I'll be willing to go back.. but, with these economic times... perhaps a Master's degree could earn me more monies??? Who knows, right?

Here's a funny story.. if you remember my bitching about my internship this year, you are going to get a kick out of this... the lady that runs it.. emailed me a week ago asking me to volunteer for her. Really? After she practically failed me, gave me a poor review to my internship advisor.. she has the nerve to ask me for help again. After I told her I GRADUATED AND MOVED BACK HOME. I love people. Can you tell?

That's enough of that common tripe. I just figured I would update whoever reads this on what's going on en mi vida.

Laters all, and I hope everyone has a great summer. :D

Peoples

This is indeed the summer for change. New take on life, new take on relationships, new take on responsibilities. Let's just say I'm a single woman now, and I plan to be one for awhile. I need to get back to the basics.... get back to me. It ended mutually enough if you will, I still care for you (you know who you are) very much. I don't harbor hate or any of that immature ridiculousness. I don't know if 'friendship' is in our future or not, nor will I push it in either direction... time should just take it's course... and we shall see where things go from there. I do hope you will still be a part of my life somehow. My myspace blog delves further into this with more emotions.. and if you aren't my myspace friend I guess I don't trust you enough to read it. Lo siento. If you really want a copy, I can send it your way, but honestly that's just creepy. ;)

In other news, I'm getting a slightly used laptop tomorrow, a new phone eventually, a hair cut, and I'm taking a trip to Hawaii to see my beautiful friend Ashley. :D I couldn't be more excited. After this trip I plan on seeing Katie.. and then after that.. I am certainly up for more adventures... whoever wants to join me.. you know how to get a hold of me. Text it foos. Or just call me... I like voices.

What else is going on? My Yia Yia is still on hospice.. we aren't going to go there, let's just say it gets harder and harder everyday to see her.. and I'm leaving it at that.

I've been applying to 'big girl' jobs left and right in the technical writing field near my hometown as of right now. I am certainly up for relocation, but I'm pretty sure the business/firm would have to pay for me to do that, there's no way I could ask my parents for that kind of cash.. they've done enough for me already.

Also still on the fence with the grad school idea. I'm pretty sure the more I'm out of school, the less I'll be willing to go back.. but, with these economic times... perhaps a Master's degree could earn me more monies??? Who knows, right?

Here's a funny story.. if you remember my bitching about my internship this year, you are going to get a kick out of this... the lady that runs it.. emailed me a week ago asking me to volunteer for her. Really? After she practically failed me, gave me a poor review to my internship advisor.. she has the nerve to ask me for help again. After I told her I GRADUATED AND MOVED BACK HOME. I love people. Can you tell?

That's enough of that common tripe. I just figured I would update whoever reads this on what's going on en mi vida.

Laters all, and I hope everyone has a great summer. :D

I graduated!

I finally graduated from Illinois State University the 8th of May 2009. Good stuff. My grades went excellently this semester. I got an A in my internship (thanks to Ashley, my Mom, and Dr. Savage) they all believed in me and took my word over someone else's. Basically, the bitch I had to work under.

Senior Seminar I got a B and my Visible Rhetoric class I also got a B. I wanted to see more A's, but I am definitely satisfied with these results. My cumulative GPA is a 2.59, and my semester GPA is a 3.50. If only I took English classes all four years, I can't even imagine what it would be like then. But, whatever... I'm done. I've been debating grad school, and I'm pretty sure I have until August to decide. Knowing me and my lazy ass, it will take until August for me to make up my mind anyway. I also need to find a job.

I've sent out my resume to two internships with Walgreen's no dice thus far. So, now, I'll just try for other technical writing positions/internships/ or other mediocre jobs. We shall see where life will take me. I'm already a little down about this summer because I haven't been doing much of anything lately. I stay up late, I sleep in late, and I help out my Yia Yia and Aunt. If this is how the summer is going to be, it will certainly be a disappointing one.

I really want to travel to see Katie in Oklahoma (but my friends suck and no one will drive with me), I want to see Ashley in Hawaii (but, I also want spending money so I don't feel like a selfish skank), and I of course want to see Adam in Florida this summer too. Granted if everything remains as is now, with relationships.. you just never know... right? Always gotta be prepared. :)

My Yia Yia is now on hospice. And, it makes me sad, so I'm not going to talk about that anymore.

Good luck to the graduates of the class of 2009!!!
Keep in touch everyone. :D

I graduated!

I finally graduated from Illinois State University the 8th of May 2009. Good stuff. My grades went excellently this semester. I got an A in my internship (thanks to Ashley, my Mom, and Dr. Savage) they all believed in me and took my word over someone else's. Basically, the bitch I had to work under.

Senior Seminar I got a B and my Visible Rhetoric class I also got a B. I wanted to see more A's, but I am definitely satisfied with these results. My cumulative GPA is a 2.59, and my semester GPA is a 3.50. If only I took English classes all four years, I can't even imagine what it would be like then. But, whatever... I'm done. I've been debating grad school, and I'm pretty sure I have until August to decide. Knowing me and my lazy ass, it will take until August for me to make up my mind anyway. I also need to find a job.

I've sent out my resume to two internships with Walgreen's no dice thus far. So, now, I'll just try for other technical writing positions/internships/ or other mediocre jobs. We shall see where life will take me. I'm already a little down about this summer because I haven't been doing much of anything lately. I stay up late, I sleep in late, and I help out my Yia Yia and Aunt. If this is how the summer is going to be, it will certainly be a disappointing one.

I really want to travel to see Katie in Oklahoma (but my friends suck and no one will drive with me), I want to see Ashley in Hawaii (but, I also want spending money so I don't feel like a selfish skank), and I of course want to see Adam in Florida this summer too. Granted if everything remains as is now, with relationships.. you just never know... right? Always gotta be prepared. :)

My Yia Yia is now on hospice. And, it makes me sad, so I'm not going to talk about that anymore.

Good luck to the graduates of the class of 2009!!!
Keep in touch everyone. :D

The Final Countdown

This is it folks. Four years at ISU will finally come to an exciting halt for me this Friday at 7pm. I will be graduating with the rest of my peers under the college of Arts and Sciences with a Bachelor's degree in English studies and a minor in Spanish. :) I can't believe I've made it this far. There were days where I didn't think it would happen. Something awful would come up to prevent it, I would discover that one forgotten credit hour. But no, everything is in order, I've completed all of my gen-ed's and major courses. I do not see any problems in the future. (keeping fingers crossed).

I hope I made my goal of a 3.0 this year. I would love to at least graduate with a B average. So far, I'm a very high C.. and although C's get degrees.. I like the idea of a B better. I think I will be pulling quite a few B's this semester over anything else. The only A that might happen, might be in my internship from my internship advisor's standpoint. He gave me an A on my journal.. so it looks good in that regard. I really don't give a rat's ass what my internship lady is going to give me. As far as I'm concerned this entire experience is a lesson learned and that's how I'm going to leave it.

All I have due this week is my Visible Rhetoric presentation, and I'm dropping off my LIT manual in the Girl Scout office and leaving like a bat out of hell. I don't care to stay around and chat. The most I will lie is "Thanks for this opportunity, may life treat you well." Then, I'm out.

My room is looking pretty sparse as of right now. I have no more desk, most of my warmer clothes are gone, and various odds and ends as well. It just feels very prison like in here, and that in itself makes me want to high tail it out of here as fast as I can.

I will be so sad to say goodbye to all my old and new friends. I guess friendship will be tested this time around. True friends will emerge, and the others just fade into memories. We shall see what happens either way.

Well real world... here I come! The question is.. not are you ready for me... but, am I ready for you? I guess this summer and the months to come will tell. :D

The Final Countdown

This is it folks. Four years at ISU will finally come to an exciting halt for me this Friday at 7pm. I will be graduating with the rest of my peers under the college of Arts and Sciences with a Bachelor's degree in English studies and a minor in Spanish. :) I can't believe I've made it this far. There were days where I didn't think it would happen. Something awful would come up to prevent it, I would discover that one forgotten credit hour. But no, everything is in order, I've completed all of my gen-ed's and major courses. I do not see any problems in the future. (keeping fingers crossed).

I hope I made my goal of a 3.0 this year. I would love to at least graduate with a B average. So far, I'm a very high C.. and although C's get degrees.. I like the idea of a B better. I think I will be pulling quite a few B's this semester over anything else. The only A that might happen, might be in my internship from my internship advisor's standpoint. He gave me an A on my journal.. so it looks good in that regard. I really don't give a rat's ass what my internship lady is going to give me. As far as I'm concerned this entire experience is a lesson learned and that's how I'm going to leave it.

All I have due this week is my Visible Rhetoric presentation, and I'm dropping off my LIT manual in the Girl Scout office and leaving like a bat out of hell. I don't care to stay around and chat. The most I will lie is "Thanks for this opportunity, may life treat you well." Then, I'm out.

My room is looking pretty sparse as of right now. I have no more desk, most of my warmer clothes are gone, and various odds and ends as well. It just feels very prison like in here, and that in itself makes me want to high tail it out of here as fast as I can.

I will be so sad to say goodbye to all my old and new friends. I guess friendship will be tested this time around. True friends will emerge, and the others just fade into memories. We shall see what happens either way.

Well real world... here I come! The question is.. not are you ready for me... but, am I ready for you? I guess this summer and the months to come will tell. :D

Girl Scout Evil

This photo explains it all. That's how my internship makes me feel. :(

Girl Scout Evil

This photo explains it all. That's how my internship makes me feel. :(

Frustrations as Usual

I cannot believe the nerve of some people. I mean, I really can't. As if I didn't like my internship enough! My internship director or whatever the fuck you want to call her, sent me another email full of anger about how I am not putting enough time and effort into my 70 page LIT manual. I would just like to point out, that I am currently on page 63, nearing completion, and that I neglect my projects, papers, and homework in other classes just so I can make the deadlines for this one. That's bullshit. Granted my internship has the most hours, it shouldn't mean that my other classes are less important or worthy of the same amount of study time.

This lady and I do not communicate well at all. I was talking with my Mom and Ashley about it tonight. They both managed to give me similar advice on how to handle her. I should be mature, professional, and let her know that I am trying to do my best with this manual, but I am confused as to what she wants. I prefer face to face time, as opposed to constant emails with very vague or no directions at all. How can she expect a perfect outcome with this.. if she doesn't respond to my calls.. or my emails until two days after I send one out to her? What is this shit? I go in for office hours every Thursday, and I let her know ahead of time that I will be there to discuss the manual.. she simply isn't in the office. Her colleagues tell me she is in a meeting, or is busy and didn't come in. Maybe this is all true, and maybe it isn't, but either way... an internship isn't based off of emails sent back and forth. It is about hands on experience, which is I why I chose this crap in the first place.

This is honestly, the internship from hell. I am so tired of getting the snippety emails from her. Here is an idea of what they are like

"You need a lot of work still; this is very sloppy still, and by no means
do I believe you're put the hours you should into the document, and I
know I've asked you to change the same things more than once."

Really? Have you really now? Then she lists the pages that need correcting, and forgets what she told me to add.. by asking me why did I place that in the manual in the first place.

She wants a rough draft outline by tomorrow at 5pm. Guess I better get started since I emailed her Sunday, and she responds to me today... which is a Tuesday. I love it all.

At least when this semester is over with, I won't ever have to deal with her again, and thanks to Ashley's advice I can look back at this experience as a learning one, and use it to further grow when real world bosses decide to tear me down too. I thought I was good at taking criticism. But, my Mom said it right "You are good at taking criticism when it is warranted, not when it isn't". Makes sense to me.

Besides all that shit.. here is my list of crap... watch it disappear! :)
1. My senior seminar presentation is done... and the class loved it
2. My senior seminar 20 page paper is done.. thank God
3. Rough outline for the LIT manual due this Weds.. fun shit
4. Visible Rhetoric Final Project due the 6th- I'm excited!
5. LIT manual gone and out of my life forever also due the 6th

Can you tell that the 6th is going to be a great day for me?????

Get me outta here!!!!!

Frustrations as Usual

I cannot believe the nerve of some people. I mean, I really can't. As if I didn't like my internship enough! My internship director or whatever the fuck you want to call her, sent me another email full of anger about how I am not putting enough time and effort into my 70 page LIT manual. I would just like to point out, that I am currently on page 63, nearing completion, and that I neglect my projects, papers, and homework in other classes just so I can make the deadlines for this one. That's bullshit. Granted my internship has the most hours, it shouldn't mean that my other classes are less important or worthy of the same amount of study time.

This lady and I do not communicate well at all. I was talking with my Mom and Ashley about it tonight. They both managed to give me similar advice on how to handle her. I should be mature, professional, and let her know that I am trying to do my best with this manual, but I am confused as to what she wants. I prefer face to face time, as opposed to constant emails with very vague or no directions at all. How can she expect a perfect outcome with this.. if she doesn't respond to my calls.. or my emails until two days after I send one out to her? What is this shit? I go in for office hours every Thursday, and I let her know ahead of time that I will be there to discuss the manual.. she simply isn't in the office. Her colleagues tell me she is in a meeting, or is busy and didn't come in. Maybe this is all true, and maybe it isn't, but either way... an internship isn't based off of emails sent back and forth. It is about hands on experience, which is I why I chose this crap in the first place.

This is honestly, the internship from hell. I am so tired of getting the snippety emails from her. Here is an idea of what they are like

"You need a lot of work still; this is very sloppy still, and by no means
do I believe you're put the hours you should into the document, and I
know I've asked you to change the same things more than once."

Really? Have you really now? Then she lists the pages that need correcting, and forgets what she told me to add.. by asking me why did I place that in the manual in the first place.

She wants a rough draft outline by tomorrow at 5pm. Guess I better get started since I emailed her Sunday, and she responds to me today... which is a Tuesday. I love it all.

At least when this semester is over with, I won't ever have to deal with her again, and thanks to Ashley's advice I can look back at this experience as a learning one, and use it to further grow when real world bosses decide to tear me down too. I thought I was good at taking criticism. But, my Mom said it right "You are good at taking criticism when it is warranted, not when it isn't". Makes sense to me.

Besides all that shit.. here is my list of crap... watch it disappear! :)
1. My senior seminar presentation is done... and the class loved it
2. My senior seminar 20 page paper is done.. thank God
3. Rough outline for the LIT manual due this Weds.. fun shit
4. Visible Rhetoric Final Project due the 6th- I'm excited!
5. LIT manual gone and out of my life forever also due the 6th

Can you tell that the 6th is going to be a great day for me?????

Get me outta here!!!!!

Bookworm Baby

This is me just a few months old... I loved to read then. You know what I miss.... I miss... just sitting around and reading a book for kicks. I should read more often these days, but I don't dag nabbit.

I guess that's all I feel like writing about for now. I have to get back to my 20 page senior seminar paper on the banning of books in our school systems. Everyone needs to google this topic and find out more about it. Censorship has to stop!

We out.. .for now. ;)

Bookworm Baby

This is me just a few months old... I loved to read then. You know what I miss.... I miss... just sitting around and reading a book for kicks. I should read more often these days, but I don't dag nabbit.

I guess that's all I feel like writing about for now. I have to get back to my 20 page senior seminar paper on the banning of books in our school systems. Everyone needs to google this topic and find out more about it. Censorship has to stop!

We out.. .for now. ;)

How Time Flies....

The last four years that I have spent at ISU have changed me as a person. And, I am so thankful for it. The same girl I was as a Freshman, is long gone as the excited/scared shitless Senior getting ready to embark on the adventures of adulthood!

I really need to start applying for jobs. My goals are the following and they are ever changing.
1. apply to a Potbelly's near home seeing as I have previous experience there
2. apply and send out my resumes to big girl jobs... such as technical writing/editing... I want to send apps to jobs in state.. and why the hell not? out of state too. :)

I don't want to live the rest of my life in Illinois. I want to live somewhere else for at least some point in my life.. just to see what it's like. Life is an adventure darnit!

I had a very nice weekend at home. It was nice seeing my family and bringing home Katie. I think she really enjoyed herself.. despite my crazy aunt asking her how much she weighs.. but, she does that to everybody. Seeing my Yia Yia was very difficult emotionally, I just don't think that is going to get easier for me at all. It will always be hard, until the time comes for her to move on. I know she doesn't want to be here..... I just hope she isn't hurting while she is here. :( I miss the healthy Yia Yia, but I know.... she is gone for good now.

Well, I don't feel like getting into that too much, seeing as it depresses me... soo.. onto other things...

My list of things to accomplish before May 8th is dwindling! I have proof! Here it is:

1.LIT manual- I just reached page 61 tonight! That's awesome! I only have 9 more pages to go, a little revising.. and then I am DONE!!!!

2. Visible Rhetoric Final Project- this is gonna be cool.. I am studying the rhetoric of hair and why we color it. Why don't people leave their natural roots? I know I hate my natural hair color.. and there are reasons behind that. I like color so this project will actually be fun.

3. Senior Seminar- next Monday I have a 20 page paper and 10 minute presentation on the Banning of Books in our School Systems due. I am excited about researching it, and putting it together, not so excited about presenting it though. I talk too fast when I get nervous.

Basically, after next week... I AM ALL DONE!!!! I just have to pack up, and get ready for my parents to come down and help me move stuff the 1st, and then graduate the 8th, and leave for good the 9th. :) I have never had so many mixed emotions all at once. How will I contain them all???

Just a few more weeks and my college career will come to an end. I will miss the people so much more than the academic aspects. I debated the grad school idea, but now, I don't think I'm cut out for it... of course, my mind might change in the next few months.. but, I'm not such a good student. I'm quite lazy.... and I procrastinate to the minute before an assignment is due. I just don't think I would be able to keep up with grad school work.

Who knows though, my Mom said she regrets not going to grad school and getting the bigger paycheck, but then if I go to grad school, I might be 'overqualified' when applying for jobs when I get out. Not saying that I can't win either way, but there are certainly pros and cons. I guess I just need to weigh them more. And, being the indecisive creature that I am, it is extremely difficult for me to make such decisions.

I have a feeling this weekend is going to rock. My roommate and I are having a grad party to say adios to everyone.. and we are getting tattoos! No, not the same ones... she is getting her very first tat, and I am getting my second. I am too damn excited!!!! :D

Well, I guess I should get back to my work here... so I can fully enjoy this weekend, because that is all that is keeping me going right now. I can't wait to get away from ISU for good. I'll be back if friends around here want me to visit, but other than that... I'm outta here!!!

Everyone better keep in touch with me though. <3

How Time Flies....

The last four years that I have spent at ISU have changed me as a person. And, I am so thankful for it. The same girl I was as a Freshman, is long gone as the excited/scared shitless Senior getting ready to embark on the adventures of adulthood!

I really need to start applying for jobs. My goals are the following and they are ever changing.
1. apply to a Potbelly's near home seeing as I have previous experience there
2. apply and send out my resumes to big girl jobs... such as technical writing/editing... I want to send apps to jobs in state.. and why the hell not? out of state too. :)

I don't want to live the rest of my life in Illinois. I want to live somewhere else for at least some point in my life.. just to see what it's like. Life is an adventure darnit!

I had a very nice weekend at home. It was nice seeing my family and bringing home Katie. I think she really enjoyed herself.. despite my crazy aunt asking her how much she weighs.. but, she does that to everybody. Seeing my Yia Yia was very difficult emotionally, I just don't think that is going to get easier for me at all. It will always be hard, until the time comes for her to move on. I know she doesn't want to be here..... I just hope she isn't hurting while she is here. :( I miss the healthy Yia Yia, but I know.... she is gone for good now.

Well, I don't feel like getting into that too much, seeing as it depresses me... soo.. onto other things...

My list of things to accomplish before May 8th is dwindling! I have proof! Here it is:

1.LIT manual- I just reached page 61 tonight! That's awesome! I only have 9 more pages to go, a little revising.. and then I am DONE!!!!

2. Visible Rhetoric Final Project- this is gonna be cool.. I am studying the rhetoric of hair and why we color it. Why don't people leave their natural roots? I know I hate my natural hair color.. and there are reasons behind that. I like color so this project will actually be fun.

3. Senior Seminar- next Monday I have a 20 page paper and 10 minute presentation on the Banning of Books in our School Systems due. I am excited about researching it, and putting it together, not so excited about presenting it though. I talk too fast when I get nervous.

Basically, after next week... I AM ALL DONE!!!! I just have to pack up, and get ready for my parents to come down and help me move stuff the 1st, and then graduate the 8th, and leave for good the 9th. :) I have never had so many mixed emotions all at once. How will I contain them all???

Just a few more weeks and my college career will come to an end. I will miss the people so much more than the academic aspects. I debated the grad school idea, but now, I don't think I'm cut out for it... of course, my mind might change in the next few months.. but, I'm not such a good student. I'm quite lazy.... and I procrastinate to the minute before an assignment is due. I just don't think I would be able to keep up with grad school work.

Who knows though, my Mom said she regrets not going to grad school and getting the bigger paycheck, but then if I go to grad school, I might be 'overqualified' when applying for jobs when I get out. Not saying that I can't win either way, but there are certainly pros and cons. I guess I just need to weigh them more. And, being the indecisive creature that I am, it is extremely difficult for me to make such decisions.

I have a feeling this weekend is going to rock. My roommate and I are having a grad party to say adios to everyone.. and we are getting tattoos! No, not the same ones... she is getting her very first tat, and I am getting my second. I am too damn excited!!!! :D

Well, I guess I should get back to my work here... so I can fully enjoy this weekend, because that is all that is keeping me going right now. I can't wait to get away from ISU for good. I'll be back if friends around here want me to visit, but other than that... I'm outta here!!!

Everyone better keep in touch with me though. <3

Goody's

I feel like becoming the new spokesperson for a pain reliever called Goody's. My friend Ashley introduced it to me awhile back as a way to calm the irritating pain of hangovers after a night of fun drunkenness. Well, not only does it help take away hangovers, but it helps take away fever, body aches, and headaches!

I've used it for sinus headaches, and just last night I was in some pretty awful muscular pain which tends to happen with this weather, I mean it was bad... I thought I had mono or something. I took one packet of Goody's and bada bing, bada boom... my pain disappeared within minutes. I'm still pain free today! Although my muscles are tender, nowhere near as raw as before.

Just because it comes in powder form doesn't mean that you shouldn't try it. Don't be scared! It will help you. I would say I'll give you your money back, but alas.. I'm not selling you this product you have to go out and get it yourself.

So Go! And, suffer no more.

Here is a picture if you don't believe me.

And, here is a silly video about Greek Easter. It makes me laugh, and I can't wait to go home and see my Yia Yia. Who is in failing health. :( It has been too long.
Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfXIWYdL8dU

I don't have anything else to say.... for now. Except, Xristos Anesti. :)

Goody's

I feel like becoming the new spokesperson for a pain reliever called Goody's. My friend Ashley introduced it to me awhile back as a way to calm the irritating pain of hangovers after a night of fun drunkenness. Well, not only does it help take away hangovers, but it helps take away fever, body aches, and headaches!

I've used it for sinus headaches, and just last night I was in some pretty awful muscular pain which tends to happen with this weather, I mean it was bad... I thought I had mono or something. I took one packet of Goody's and bada bing, bada boom... my pain disappeared within minutes. I'm still pain free today! Although my muscles are tender, nowhere near as raw as before.

Just because it comes in powder form doesn't mean that you shouldn't try it. Don't be scared! It will help you. I would say I'll give you your money back, but alas.. I'm not selling you this product you have to go out and get it yourself.

So Go! And, suffer no more.

Here is a picture if you don't believe me.

And, here is a silly video about Greek Easter. It makes me laugh, and I can't wait to go home and see my Yia Yia. Who is in failing health. :( It has been too long.
Check this out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AfXIWYdL8dU

I don't have anything else to say.... for now. Except, Xristos Anesti. :)

Stuff in Life

Well, I haven't updated here in quite awhile. It is time I changed that. Starting, now. A lot has happened this week, well nothing too grand or anything like that..it's just been the week from hell for me. I felt like I was a chicken running around with it's head cut off. Just school has been dragging me down as of late, and I'm getting tired of all of the assignments headed my way. I just want this semester to be over with already.

You are going to hear me say that alot, if you don't like it... don't read it... hehe... I'm quite the whiner.

I feel like my internship is taking away study time from my other classes. And, granted it does have the most hours... at 6... it still doesn't mean that my Visible Rhetoric or Senior Seminar classes are worthless by any means. I just feel swamped with the LIT manual. I'm over 30 pages right now, but I have another 40 to go. I think I can do it, it's just a matter of actually doing it that counts. When I start getting stressed, I tend to draw away from whatever the stresser is instead of facing it head on and getting it out of the way. I guess it's the whole fight or flight thing.. and when it comes to stress.. I flee. Into a bottle o booze... just kidding.... sort of.

As far as grades are concerned I think I have a B in my Visible Rhet class, and perhaps a B in my Senior Seminar. I have no idea what the exact grade is. I have no clue how the internship is coming along because my internship advisor is the one that grades that. And, my ever disorganized internship lady still hasn't evaluated me yet. She really is dingy.

My goal was to graduate with a 3.00. I stand at a 2.50. Pathetic, but it is no one's fault but my own. Sometimes you make mistakes, and like they always say.. it's harder to bring that GPA up, but so very easy to drag it down. I better make my goal. It shouldn't be that hard. At least I don't think so.

My list of things yet to do:
1. keep up with the LIT manual til it hit's 70
2. another brochure from Girl Scout's... take a 4 page brochure and shrink it to 2. Hooray
3. Senior Seminar paper 10-15 pages
4. Senior Seminar presentation 10 minutes
5. Senior Seminar portfolio... ever so lengthy
6. Visible Rhetoric- Module 6
7. Visible Rhetoric- Final Project
8. Visible Rhetoric- Final Exam ?

5 weeks of school left to complete all of this. Can I do it? Oh no, I just better. Because I am graduating this May... no matter what!!! And, if anyone hears of any jobs... do let me know... I am certainly intimidated by this economy.

I can't wait to go home for Greek Easter. I haven't been home since Winter Break. I need to get away for awhile.

We out.

Stuff in Life

Well, I haven't updated here in quite awhile. It is time I changed that. Starting, now. A lot has happened this week, well nothing too grand or anything like that..it's just been the week from hell for me. I felt like I was a chicken running around with it's head cut off. Just school has been dragging me down as of late, and I'm getting tired of all of the assignments headed my way. I just want this semester to be over with already.

You are going to hear me say that alot, if you don't like it... don't read it... hehe... I'm quite the whiner.

I feel like my internship is taking away study time from my other classes. And, granted it does have the most hours... at 6... it still doesn't mean that my Visible Rhetoric or Senior Seminar classes are worthless by any means. I just feel swamped with the LIT manual. I'm over 30 pages right now, but I have another 40 to go. I think I can do it, it's just a matter of actually doing it that counts. When I start getting stressed, I tend to draw away from whatever the stresser is instead of facing it head on and getting it out of the way. I guess it's the whole fight or flight thing.. and when it comes to stress.. I flee. Into a bottle o booze... just kidding.... sort of.

As far as grades are concerned I think I have a B in my Visible Rhet class, and perhaps a B in my Senior Seminar. I have no idea what the exact grade is. I have no clue how the internship is coming along because my internship advisor is the one that grades that. And, my ever disorganized internship lady still hasn't evaluated me yet. She really is dingy.

My goal was to graduate with a 3.00. I stand at a 2.50. Pathetic, but it is no one's fault but my own. Sometimes you make mistakes, and like they always say.. it's harder to bring that GPA up, but so very easy to drag it down. I better make my goal. It shouldn't be that hard. At least I don't think so.

My list of things yet to do:
1. keep up with the LIT manual til it hit's 70
2. another brochure from Girl Scout's... take a 4 page brochure and shrink it to 2. Hooray
3. Senior Seminar paper 10-15 pages
4. Senior Seminar presentation 10 minutes
5. Senior Seminar portfolio... ever so lengthy
6. Visible Rhetoric- Module 6
7. Visible Rhetoric- Final Project
8. Visible Rhetoric- Final Exam ?

5 weeks of school left to complete all of this. Can I do it? Oh no, I just better. Because I am graduating this May... no matter what!!! And, if anyone hears of any jobs... do let me know... I am certainly intimidated by this economy.

I can't wait to go home for Greek Easter. I haven't been home since Winter Break. I need to get away for awhile.

We out.

Decisions

I have decided that I need to stop whining about this internship bullshit, and just get on the assignment and get it done and over with. I should probably email Dr. Savage and let him know what's going on, in case my evaluation from the Girl Scout lady is less than complimentary. This is just really disappointing stuff, but whatever.... the more I dwell the angrier I get, so I might as well suck it up and try to make the best of the situation, right? Right.

I'll email her a due date, and if she doesn't like it, she can just let me know I guess. I'm not sure where else to go from here. And, if she doesn't respond whether or not I should come in this Thursday, maybe I'll just drop by anyway and see if we can sort things out face to face.

Frustrating crap. I'm just ready to be done with school... maybe forever, I don't know. I've debated the grad school thing, but my thought is if I don't get on that stuff this summer, I know it won't happen for me because I enjoy the idea of not doing homework or attending classes and all of that other b.s. I've been told many times before that I'm going to miss going to classes. Yes, I think I will miss the structure of having something to do at a certain time everyday, and being around new people and my friends. I will miss the structure and the social aspect of college, obviously, because I'm pretty sure the 'real' world is alot different from the college one. But, that's about it. I'm not going to miss the ISU campus, because in my mind the only good thing about it, is the quad. I love the quad and the fact that there are so many tasty restaurants in Bloomington. I must give the town kudos for that. Other than that, I want out.

Worst part is, I want out of Normal, and I don't want to go back North. So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. :(

I might blog again here later, I might not. I have to write stuff for my Visible Rhetoric class anyway.

We out.

Decisions

I have decided that I need to stop whining about this internship bullshit, and just get on the assignment and get it done and over with. I should probably email Dr. Savage and let him know what's going on, in case my evaluation from the Girl Scout lady is less than complimentary. This is just really disappointing stuff, but whatever.... the more I dwell the angrier I get, so I might as well suck it up and try to make the best of the situation, right? Right.

I'll email her a due date, and if she doesn't like it, she can just let me know I guess. I'm not sure where else to go from here. And, if she doesn't respond whether or not I should come in this Thursday, maybe I'll just drop by anyway and see if we can sort things out face to face.

Frustrating crap. I'm just ready to be done with school... maybe forever, I don't know. I've debated the grad school thing, but my thought is if I don't get on that stuff this summer, I know it won't happen for me because I enjoy the idea of not doing homework or attending classes and all of that other b.s. I've been told many times before that I'm going to miss going to classes. Yes, I think I will miss the structure of having something to do at a certain time everyday, and being around new people and my friends. I will miss the structure and the social aspect of college, obviously, because I'm pretty sure the 'real' world is alot different from the college one. But, that's about it. I'm not going to miss the ISU campus, because in my mind the only good thing about it, is the quad. I love the quad and the fact that there are so many tasty restaurants in Bloomington. I must give the town kudos for that. Other than that, I want out.

Worst part is, I want out of Normal, and I don't want to go back North. So, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. :(

I might blog again here later, I might not. I have to write stuff for my Visible Rhetoric class anyway.

We out.