Ok. After many years of suffering with some strange and rather embarrassing syndromes that my body chooses to torture me with. I have discovered something so radical, so insane, so unpredictable.. that somehow it all makes sense! When I was about 14 years old, I was diagnosed with Raynaud's Syndrome a very irritating vascular condition that makes winters especially hellish for me. My hands and feet will freeze randomly, sometimes for no reason at all. There are moments when I lose all feeling in all, or some of these extremities.. it often feels like pins and needles when the blood finally does rush back. Then, they swell and hurt. So, it's a lose lose situation either way you look at it. It sucks.
Today, while researching ways to prevent the symptoms, and find ways to make it less painful, I read an article that mentioned that individuals who suffer from Raynaud's Syndrome can also develop hyperhidrosis!!! This news excites me! Hyperhidrosis is a humiliating disease that makes me want to draw away from people just to protect them from pure disgustiness. I can make fun of it around my family, friends, and Dan( thanks for putting up with it, hun :-*) but around colleagues and those I interview with... it is beyond humiliating. It is borderline depressing. Just imagine.. you are already nervous for an interview... and both of your hands start to sweat profusely... I'm not talking a little sweat.. I'm talking the same wetness you experience after dipping your hands in water... but, it doesn't dry, it stays wet. You can wipe your hands as many times as you want, but they still stay disgusting. Now, you have to shake someone's hand. No one deserves to suffer that.
I have been debating the botox injections to the hands and feet to lessen the sweat. I think you go in once a month or something like that. Once I am on my own insurance, I intend to pay for it in full. Because I can't live like this anymore. My second option is, surgery. They make laser incisions in the thoracic area of the body... to reach the glands inbetween the rib cages. It sounds painful, but if the botox injections don't work.... then, I will save up for that as my final resort.
I am thankful that people who care about me, don't make me feel like a freak with these diseases. :) They make me feel pretty bad about myself sometimes.
Here are links with more info: Raynaud's Syndrome and Hyperhidrosis.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Alas.. knowledge really is power
Ok. After many years of suffering with some strange and rather embarrassing syndromes that my body chooses to torture me with. I have discovered something so radical, so insane, so unpredictable.. that somehow it all makes sense! When I was about 14 years old, I was diagnosed with Raynaud's Syndrome a very irritating vascular condition that makes winters especially hellish for me. My hands and feet will freeze randomly, sometimes for no reason at all. There are moments when I lose all feeling in all, or some of these extremities.. it often feels like pins and needles when the blood finally does rush back. Then, they swell and hurt. So, it's a lose lose situation either way you look at it. It sucks.
Today, while researching ways to prevent the symptoms, and find ways to make it less painful, I read an article that mentioned that individuals who suffer from Raynaud's Syndrome can also develop hyperhidrosis!!! This news excites me! Hyperhidrosis is a humiliating disease that makes me want to draw away from people just to protect them from pure disgustiness. I can make fun of it around my family, friends, and Dan( thanks for putting up with it, hun :-*) but around colleagues and those I interview with... it is beyond humiliating. It is borderline depressing. Just imagine.. you are already nervous for an interview... and both of your hands start to sweat profusely... I'm not talking a little sweat.. I'm talking the same wetness you experience after dipping your hands in water... but, it doesn't dry, it stays wet. You can wipe your hands as many times as you want, but they still stay disgusting. Now, you have to shake someone's hand. No one deserves to suffer that.
I have been debating the botox injections to the hands and feet to lessen the sweat. I think you go in once a month or something like that. Once I am on my own insurance, I intend to pay for it in full. Because I can't live like this anymore. My second option is, surgery. They make laser incisions in the thoracic area of the body... to reach the glands inbetween the rib cages. It sounds painful, but if the botox injections don't work.... then, I will save up for that as my final resort.
I am thankful that people who care about me, don't make me feel like a freak with these diseases. :) They make me feel pretty bad about myself sometimes.
Here are links with more info: Raynaud's Syndrome and Hyperhidrosis.
Today, while researching ways to prevent the symptoms, and find ways to make it less painful, I read an article that mentioned that individuals who suffer from Raynaud's Syndrome can also develop hyperhidrosis!!! This news excites me! Hyperhidrosis is a humiliating disease that makes me want to draw away from people just to protect them from pure disgustiness. I can make fun of it around my family, friends, and Dan( thanks for putting up with it, hun :-*) but around colleagues and those I interview with... it is beyond humiliating. It is borderline depressing. Just imagine.. you are already nervous for an interview... and both of your hands start to sweat profusely... I'm not talking a little sweat.. I'm talking the same wetness you experience after dipping your hands in water... but, it doesn't dry, it stays wet. You can wipe your hands as many times as you want, but they still stay disgusting. Now, you have to shake someone's hand. No one deserves to suffer that.
I have been debating the botox injections to the hands and feet to lessen the sweat. I think you go in once a month or something like that. Once I am on my own insurance, I intend to pay for it in full. Because I can't live like this anymore. My second option is, surgery. They make laser incisions in the thoracic area of the body... to reach the glands inbetween the rib cages. It sounds painful, but if the botox injections don't work.... then, I will save up for that as my final resort.
I am thankful that people who care about me, don't make me feel like a freak with these diseases. :) They make me feel pretty bad about myself sometimes.
Here are links with more info: Raynaud's Syndrome and Hyperhidrosis.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
To Sleep Perchance to Dream...
Fall has definitely arrived. Today, is one of those super gloomy, dark days, when the minute you wake up it still looks like night time outside. I just want to curl back up underneath my tight warm blankets and go straight back to sleep. Forget about the world, forget about responsibility, and dream, dream, dream, some more.
My dreams have been nightmarish in quality lately. I know not why. Although, I did dream about my Dad last night, and then woke up in a very depressed state of mind. In this dream, he apologized for not being around anymore. I was trying to explain to him, that his death wasn't his fault. And, it isn't. I think that 'life happens when you are busy making other plans'. Maybe that quote should read 'death happens when you are busy making other plans' I like the way that one sounds better. Added morbidity.
Either way. I told him that we all love him, and we miss him everyday. He said it upsets him to see us all in so much pain. I told him, because we are part of the living world.. it's just how we deal with grief. It's a natural process and if anything a healthy one at that. You can't keep feelings like that bottled up inside forever.
I don't know how the dream ended, and I don't remember. Alls I can recall is waking up feeling like I usually feel after dreams like that... a strong sense of bittersweetness. More of the bitter... less on the sweet.
I have a job interview on Monday. I really hope I get it because money is getting tight, and I want to maintain some semblance of independence in my 'child like' life. I am going to put my game face on.. not that I haven't before.. and really just sell that shit. Sell myself. In a non whoring fashion of course.
I can't wait for Halloween this year. I am so excited. I have a costume ready and everything. I want to go to a haunted house, I want to watch scary movies, my boyfriend and I are going to summon Satan. That's right.. I said it... hahaha. Overall, it will be a blast.. and it's my favorite holiday of the year.
Peace out for now.
My dreams have been nightmarish in quality lately. I know not why. Although, I did dream about my Dad last night, and then woke up in a very depressed state of mind. In this dream, he apologized for not being around anymore. I was trying to explain to him, that his death wasn't his fault. And, it isn't. I think that 'life happens when you are busy making other plans'. Maybe that quote should read 'death happens when you are busy making other plans' I like the way that one sounds better. Added morbidity.
Either way. I told him that we all love him, and we miss him everyday. He said it upsets him to see us all in so much pain. I told him, because we are part of the living world.. it's just how we deal with grief. It's a natural process and if anything a healthy one at that. You can't keep feelings like that bottled up inside forever.
I don't know how the dream ended, and I don't remember. Alls I can recall is waking up feeling like I usually feel after dreams like that... a strong sense of bittersweetness. More of the bitter... less on the sweet.
I have a job interview on Monday. I really hope I get it because money is getting tight, and I want to maintain some semblance of independence in my 'child like' life. I am going to put my game face on.. not that I haven't before.. and really just sell that shit. Sell myself. In a non whoring fashion of course.
I can't wait for Halloween this year. I am so excited. I have a costume ready and everything. I want to go to a haunted house, I want to watch scary movies, my boyfriend and I are going to summon Satan. That's right.. I said it... hahaha. Overall, it will be a blast.. and it's my favorite holiday of the year.
Peace out for now.
To Sleep Perchance to Dream...
Fall has definitely arrived. Today, is one of those super gloomy, dark days, when the minute you wake up it still looks like night time outside. I just want to curl back up underneath my tight warm blankets and go straight back to sleep. Forget about the world, forget about responsibility, and dream, dream, dream, some more.
My dreams have been nightmarish in quality lately. I know not why. Although, I did dream about my Dad last night, and then woke up in a very depressed state of mind. In this dream, he apologized for not being around anymore. I was trying to explain to him, that his death wasn't his fault. And, it isn't. I think that 'life happens when you are busy making other plans'. Maybe that quote should read 'death happens when you are busy making other plans' I like the way that one sounds better. Added morbidity.
Either way. I told him that we all love him, and we miss him everyday. He said it upsets him to see us all in so much pain. I told him, because we are part of the living world.. it's just how we deal with grief. It's a natural process and if anything a healthy one at that. You can't keep feelings like that bottled up inside forever.
I don't know how the dream ended, and I don't remember. Alls I can recall is waking up feeling like I usually feel after dreams like that... a strong sense of bittersweetness. More of the bitter... less on the sweet.
I have a job interview on Monday. I really hope I get it because money is getting tight, and I want to maintain some semblance of independence in my 'child like' life. I am going to put my game face on.. not that I haven't before.. and really just sell that shit. Sell myself. In a non whoring fashion of course.
I can't wait for Halloween this year. I am so excited. I have a costume ready and everything. I want to go to a haunted house, I want to watch scary movies, my boyfriend and I are going to summon Satan. That's right.. I said it... hahaha. Overall, it will be a blast.. and it's my favorite holiday of the year.
Peace out for now.
My dreams have been nightmarish in quality lately. I know not why. Although, I did dream about my Dad last night, and then woke up in a very depressed state of mind. In this dream, he apologized for not being around anymore. I was trying to explain to him, that his death wasn't his fault. And, it isn't. I think that 'life happens when you are busy making other plans'. Maybe that quote should read 'death happens when you are busy making other plans' I like the way that one sounds better. Added morbidity.
Either way. I told him that we all love him, and we miss him everyday. He said it upsets him to see us all in so much pain. I told him, because we are part of the living world.. it's just how we deal with grief. It's a natural process and if anything a healthy one at that. You can't keep feelings like that bottled up inside forever.
I don't know how the dream ended, and I don't remember. Alls I can recall is waking up feeling like I usually feel after dreams like that... a strong sense of bittersweetness. More of the bitter... less on the sweet.
I have a job interview on Monday. I really hope I get it because money is getting tight, and I want to maintain some semblance of independence in my 'child like' life. I am going to put my game face on.. not that I haven't before.. and really just sell that shit. Sell myself. In a non whoring fashion of course.
I can't wait for Halloween this year. I am so excited. I have a costume ready and everything. I want to go to a haunted house, I want to watch scary movies, my boyfriend and I are going to summon Satan. That's right.. I said it... hahaha. Overall, it will be a blast.. and it's my favorite holiday of the year.
Peace out for now.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
People Make Me Sick
So. I was browsing xanga recently and I found the most disturbing, vile, video I have ever encountered in my short life. I hope, nay.. I pray.. that the actual contents of this video are fake. I want to believe with all of my heart and soul, that people care more for living creatures than this young woman does.
Here is the synopsis of the video. A young girl (teenager) is throwing 7 wk old puppies into a river. The police are on the hunt for her. The only reason I am posting this note is because I hope someone knows this girl and is brave enough to turn her and the culprit that videotaped the entire ordeal into the police immediately. No one deserves to get away with something like this. NO ONE.
Here is the link to the xanga site with the video. WARNING: what you are about to see is graphic, vile, repulsive... etc. It makes me cry. If anyone knows who this girl is... turn them both in immediately. Do what is right.
Let's find these people and put them away forever.
Stuff like this makes me want to become an 'Animal Cop', but I am waaay too sensitive for that.
I'm done for now.
People Make Me Sick
So. I was browsing xanga recently and I found the most disturbing, vile, video I have ever encountered in my short life. I hope, nay.. I pray.. that the actual contents of this video are fake. I want to believe with all of my heart and soul, that people care more for living creatures than this young woman does.
Here is the synopsis of the video. A young girl (teenager) is throwing 7 wk old puppies into a river. The police are on the hunt for her. The only reason I am posting this note is because I hope someone knows this girl and is brave enough to turn her and the culprit that videotaped the entire ordeal into the police immediately. No one deserves to get away with something like this. NO ONE.
Here is the link to the xanga site with the video. WARNING: what you are about to see is graphic, vile, repulsive... etc. It makes me cry. If anyone knows who this girl is... turn them both in immediately. Do what is right.
Let's find these people and put them away forever.
Stuff like this makes me want to become an 'Animal Cop', but I am waaay too sensitive for that.
I'm done for now.
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