LIVID

I honestly cannot even describe how I feel today. Due to compliance reasons, I can't mention anything here. In the upcoming weeks once I start making decisions, then I might allude to more of what is really going on. The word for today is: LIVID

That is all for now.

LIVID

I honestly cannot even describe how I feel today. Due to compliance reasons, I can't mention anything here. In the upcoming weeks once I start making decisions, then I might allude to more of what is really going on. The word for today is: LIVID

That is all for now.

I hate how

I hate how I think of you in moments of silence

You shouldn't be there

creeping

crawling

around in my head

filling each crevice

with those memories

that flash forward

and backward

and forward

and backward again

like the bright, neon, blue lights

after the camera flashes

my thoughts into



nothing



I just hate how you were once here

and now, you're not

you faded away

like you're supposed to

like time says you have to

so my heart tells me so



I am over it



I am over putting myself out on that thin limb

between madness and sanity

that some call love



I am not meant to fall in

be in

or accept LOVE



Because it does not accept me



LOVE IS LIKE A SHIT STEAMED STEW

that's how little I hate you



not really

not at all

just the heartstrings

pulling



on

my conscience

good bye silence of the mind



How, I long for you

I hate how

I hate how I think of you in moments of silence
You shouldn't be there
creeping
crawling
around in my head
filling each crevice
with those memories
that flash forward
and backward
and forward
and backward again
like the bright, neon, blue lights
after the camera flashes
my thoughts into

nothing

I just hate how you were once here
and now, you're not
you faded away
like you're supposed to
like time says you have to
so my heart tells me so

I am over it

I am over putting myself out on that thin limb
between madness and sanity
that some call love

I am not meant to fall in
be in
or accept LOVE

Because it does not accept me

LOVE IS LIKE A SHIT STEAMED STEW
that's how little I hate you

not really
not at all
just the heartstrings
pulling

on
my conscience
good bye silence of the mind

How, I long for you

I am a God Mother

HELLO WORLD,

I have the very, best, news ever. I have a new role in life. Not only am I a sister, daughter, niece, goddaughter, and friend... but now, I'm a GODMOTHER to my best friend's adorable baby girl, who was born 08/10/2011. She isn't even my own flesh and blood and I love her like she basically is. :) Her name is Autumn Mae Caratchea, and she is the spitting image of her beautiful mother, the lovely Ms. Ashley A. (I don't know if she wants me to mention her last name, so I shall refrain for privacy reasons).



I was so happy to see the both of them this past weekend. I am glad Ashley is doing better after her surgery, she is one tough cookie and handles pain exceptionally well. I actually said a prayer the morning Autumn was born. And, I'm sure as most of you know.. the older I get.. the less and less I seem to care about religion. Except when a family member or friend of mine is in trouble. And, I was worried for everyone involved that morning.



Luckily, whomever it is that resides upstairs... heard me...and made sure everyone came out of the situation perfectly healthy. What more can I ask for?



I am going to adore this new role in my life, I can tell. I am going to visit Ashley and her daughter as much as I can. I can't wait to watch her grow up and become a young woman! Ashley, if you read this.. you are going to be a great mother, I can already tell by how nurturing and patient you are with Autumn. <3



After holding my little God daughter for the first time this weekend, I must say... something stirred within the very core of me. I used to be so adamant about never getting married and never having kids or starting a family of my very own. But, after meeting her and observing her cute chubby little cheeks and her adorable little hands and feet..... I feel as if I have changed. My 'clock' is by no means ticking, but I do feel this sense of creating another, smaller, part of me at some point in my future.



Of course I would prefer getting married first, and then having a child, but if that doesn't happen in that order... or hell not at all.... it won't be a big loss.... just a thought that resides in the back of my mind. I will give myself until my late 30's and by 40 if I'm not married then no way in hell would I try to have a child. We'll see... with my cynical view on love and relationships these days, the idea of being with a man and staying with one... it just seems like a such a foreign, far away concept at this point in time.



Right now, I'm just gonna care for me. And, spoil my little munchkin. :D



Here is a picture of myself and my beautiful God daughter.

I am a God Mother

HELLO WORLD,
I have the very, best, news ever. I have a new role in life. Not only am I a sister, daughter, niece, goddaughter, and friend... but now, I'm a GODMOTHER to my best friend's adorable baby girl, who was born 08/10/2011. She isn't even my own flesh and blood and I love her like she basically is. :) Her name is Autumn Mae Caratchea, and she is the spitting image of her beautiful mother, the lovely Ms. Ashley A. (I don't know if she wants me to mention her last name, so I shall refrain for privacy reasons).

I was so happy to see the both of them this past weekend. I am glad Ashley is doing better after her surgery, she is one tough cookie and handles pain exceptionally well. I actually said a prayer the morning Autumn was born. And, I'm sure as most of you know.. the older I get.. the less and less I seem to care about religion. Except when a family member or friend of mine is in trouble. And, I was worried for everyone involved that morning.

Luckily, whomever it is that resides upstairs... heard me...and made sure everyone came out of the situation perfectly healthy. What more can I ask for?

I am going to adore this new role in my life, I can tell. I am going to visit Ashley and her daughter as much as I can. I can't wait to watch her grow up and become a young woman! Ashley, if you read this.. you are going to be a great mother, I can already tell by how nurturing and patient you are with Autumn. <3

After holding my little God daughter for the first time this weekend, I must say... something stirred within the very core of me. I used to be so adamant about never getting married and never having kids or starting a family of my very own. But, after meeting her and observing her cute chubby little cheeks and her adorable little hands and feet..... I feel as if I have changed. My 'clock' is by no means ticking, but I do feel this sense of creating another, smaller, part of me at some point in my future.

Of course I would prefer getting married first, and then having a child, but if that doesn't happen in that order... or hell not at all.... it won't be a big loss.... just a thought that resides in the back of my mind. I will give myself until my late 30's and by 40 if I'm not married then no way in hell would I try to have a child. We'll see... with my cynical view on love and relationships these days, the idea of being with a man and staying with one... it just seems like a such a foreign, far away concept at this point in time.

Right now, I'm just gonna care for me. And, spoil my little munchkin. :D

Here is a picture of myself and my beautiful God daughter.