Fall has definitely arrived. Today, is one of those super gloomy, dark days, when the minute you wake up it still looks like night time outside. I just want to curl back up underneath my tight warm blankets and go straight back to sleep. Forget about the world, forget about responsibility, and dream, dream, dream, some more.
My dreams have been nightmarish in quality lately. I know not why. Although, I did dream about my Dad last night, and then woke up in a very depressed state of mind. In this dream, he apologized for not being around anymore. I was trying to explain to him, that his death wasn't his fault. And, it isn't. I think that 'life happens when you are busy making other plans'. Maybe that quote should read 'death happens when you are busy making other plans' I like the way that one sounds better. Added morbidity.
Either way. I told him that we all love him, and we miss him everyday. He said it upsets him to see us all in so much pain. I told him, because we are part of the living world.. it's just how we deal with grief. It's a natural process and if anything a healthy one at that. You can't keep feelings like that bottled up inside forever.
I don't know how the dream ended, and I don't remember. Alls I can recall is waking up feeling like I usually feel after dreams like that... a strong sense of bittersweetness. More of the bitter... less on the sweet.
I have a job interview on Monday. I really hope I get it because money is getting tight, and I want to maintain some semblance of independence in my 'child like' life. I am going to put my game face on.. not that I haven't before.. and really just sell that shit. Sell myself. In a non whoring fashion of course.
I can't wait for Halloween this year. I am so excited. I have a costume ready and everything. I want to go to a haunted house, I want to watch scary movies, my boyfriend and I are going to summon Satan. That's right.. I said it... hahaha. Overall, it will be a blast.. and it's my favorite holiday of the year.
Peace out for now.
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