It is amazing to me, how quickly a year just seems to float past us all. At first it starts off so, quiet... and calm, and then out of nowhere the days just fly right from underneath your feet and memories become part of the past, and the distant future just isn't so distant anymore.
It has been a year to the day that my beloved Yia Yia passed away. I remember the night she died like it was yesterday. I think I tried to block today.... but, it snuck up on me nevertheless. Rest In Peace Yia Yia. We miss you, and we love you and think of you every single day. I try really hard not to think about the people I lost in 2009. But, then I just start feeling guilty. I think it's important to remember your loved ones, but to still find that medium and 'move on' so to speak. I mean, I guess I have 'moved on' to some degree.. the world won't stop spinning for my sorrows.
But, there are still moments... when it's really quiet.. and I have my thoughts all to myself.. I think of them.... I remember them... and, most of all.. I miss them with all of my heart and soul. I miss the phone conversations my Yia Yia and I used to have. She was always so happy to talk to me, who else is honestly that happy to talk to me? Ever? Everything in my life, every little mundane detail she would want to know about. There was always laughter, and now when I think of those days... I think of tears because of what I have lost.
I remember.. every single year for my birthday.. my aunt and Yia Yia would call and sing to me. It would just brighten my day. I would get a present, a card, and a phone call.. every year. My Yia Yia was always so proud of me, no matter what I did. I hope I make her proud today. I hope I can become the person she wants me to be... whoever that is. I will strive for it. I will.
I just miss her voice, the clanking of her excessive amounts of jewelry, and the smell of her sweet perfume. I need a jewelry box so I can put her pretty jewelry in something nice.. not just leave it stashed away in my drawer somewhere.
You know how after someone dies.. you look back.. and you regret something? Something you could have done with them, for them, etc? Here's what I regret most. I regret never learning the Greek language. She always wanted to teach me the alphabet, but somehow... through my laziness alone... we never really got around to it. I think she would have loved it if I spoke with her in Greek. That, is my one true regret.
Sometimes I think... the universe really has it in for me. I mean seriously. The two people who loved me most in my life are gone now. My Yia Yia and my Daddy. The damn universe just better leave my Mommy alone. I cannot live without her. I tell her to say goodbye to me every morning, and when I told her why she cried. I can't help it. I lost one parent, I will not survive losing another.
In other news: still with my job at Armia. I don't want to talk about it, because it makes me sad. At least it's money.. and that's just the attitude I'm going to take from now on.
Never give up. Never surrender.
Se agapo Yia Yia.
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