It Gets Better, Right?

I have a day off today. It's nice having that in the middle of the week sometimes. I just need a day to myself, so I can sit around, veg in front of the TV, think, and blog. Lately, I've been thinking about all kinds of things. Where is my life going? Am I where I want to be? What do I want to accomplish out of this thing? Well, here are a few of the answers.

My life has been stagnant for a long time.

I am not where I want to be. I am almost 25 years old, and am thankful I have a job so
I can feel some type of independence, but at this stage in the game, I shouldn't be relying on my Mom as much as I do financially. It isn't fair to her, she has enough crap going on. Stuff I dare not write here, because that wouldn't be right.

I have accomplished one thing. I did earn my B.A. from ISU. Now, I'm not saying that isn't a good thing. But, it really hasn't done anything for me. I've worked in the food industry, in the insurance industry, in customer service.... none of that pertains to anything I studied for 4 years. All of the time, effort, tears, stress, and most importantly money pouring from my parent's bank accounts for 3 years and mine for the final 4th year. What the hell has it done?

If my Dad could see me now, I know he would be happy that I HAVE a job, and very entertained by the stories no doubt, but both he and my Mom want more for me out of this life. I WANT MORE FOR ME. But, I don't try as hard as I should to get it. Why you ask? Because I block myself. I mean c'mon, I might as well shoot for unrealistic things, I am so used to rejection in other aspects of life.. why not just go for it?
Seriously, what have I got to lose?

GAHHH!!!! I swear I should've been a hippy back in the day. I really do think I was born in the wrong era. I want to travel and write about my travels. Write about my experiences, and how it all comes together. That, would be awesome.

Well, wah wah wah... it is my blog so I get to whine, bitches! Hahaha. Only Kidding. Let's talk about politics now.

I recently listened to President Obama's State of the Union, and I must say, he made everything seem so easy, like it's just an arms length away. I don't think it is. This country, as great as it is, has ALOT of work to do before we're back on our feet again. I am glad we are bringing the troops home. The war we fought for so many years against a nearly invisible enemy has taken a toll on so many families that have lost loved ones. It's about time we bring the heroes home. I don't support WAR, but I do support the brave MEN and WOMEN that sacrifice themselves to keep the rest of us safe. Where would our country be without the organization, and yes, corruption (both seem to come hand and hand) in our government? The answer, we would wind up like so many of our counterparts, a disorganized, violent, mess of a system.

Do I agree with everything that goes on in this government? HELL NO. My opinions and views are probably too drastic to ever be taken seriously, it doesn't mean that I don't have the right to speak up and say something though. That is also the beauty of this country, I CAN SAY SOMETHING, and not worry about being arrested or dragged off by mysterious men in black suits.

I think abortion is a choice only a woman should make. YES, she should inform her partner, boyfriend, husband, hook up, whatever... however she gets pregnant that she wants to terminate it. That would be horrific if someone just went and did it, without talking it over first. It's a huge decision, one that should not be taken lightly. I am PRO CHOICE. Please don't try to change my mind on this issue. It probably won't change anytime soon. Thank you viewers.

I also think that certain substances(Mary Jaaane, hehe) should be legalized in this country. They don't cause anyone any harm, and they help terminally ill cancer patients, as well as people that deal with terrible pain day in and day out manage it, and continue to live a better pain free life. Friends of mine, as well as family members suffer horrible bouts of pain each and everyday. Some of it is due to nerve damage, some is due to muscular issues, and others an outside force caused permanent pain (such as an accident). Why do people I care about need to suffer? Why should the doctors and the pharmaceutical companies prey on them financially, prescribing them insane amounts of pain killers that have awful side effects?

Now, I guess I am a bit hypocritical here. (Let's face it, we all are at some point in life). I too, take pills to manage my dumb circulatory and sweat issues. I have Raynaud's Syndrome and Hyperhidrosis. Here is a list of the shit that I'm on just to get by... and I'm not going to lie.. for me, it works: birth control (self explanatory), oxybutynin(because my sweat glands are on overload every damn day), nifedipine(for my circulatory problems, so my hands, feet, and muscles don't throb because they aren't getting enough blood), omeprazole (I have acid reflux because my diet for the last couple of years has been greasy, disgusting food, and pop--- not anymore though), and I take a rx nasal spray every day because I used to get 2-3 sinus infections a year, and now that my nasal cavities are clean I do not.

I bet the pharmaceutical companies love me. I try hard not to rely on aspirin when my muscles ache for no reason, or due to weather. But, I don't like pain. Sorry. I told you I was a whiner. :)

I went off on a tangent. LEGALIZE IT. BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. yeah, I said it. DEAL.

Also, I have mixed feelings on marriage. With the divorce rate in this country, due to laziness, infidelity, whatever.. it's just sad. I do not see myself ever getting married. Now, this in turn does not mean that I am AGAINST IT. Why would I be against something that makes two people happy? Supposedly. People misunderstand me all the time. I just don't see marriage for MYSELF. With my past failed relationships, I have had 2 exes tell me they 'love me' and that I am the 'one for them'. All bullshit and lies I tell you. Funny, how one cheated on me with his coworker, and the other dropped me because he just didn't like me anymore. So, when is 'LOVE' real? How do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with just one person? I guess my parents are an exception. :) They found each other in a world that gives up to quickly on love. I don't know how long they would've been married if my Dad were still alive today. We don't think about that often, it's just too painful for everybody. My parent's marriage was by no means perfect, they argued, they fought... what couple doesn't? Better to get it off your chest, then hold grudges against one another.

In all honesty. I do not think I will ever find that with someone. It is in part my fault too. I am fiercely independent emotionally, and sometimes that comes across as distant or cold. Not the case. I just don't express it verbally or physically every 5 minutes. It is something I need to work on, I am definitely immature in that regard. One day I will grow out of it, one day.

I think that's enough for now. I don't even know where all of this came from. The bowels of my brain no doubt.

Enjoy the random thoughts, or don't.

That's all.... for... now.

It Gets Better, Right?

I have a day off today. It's nice having that in the middle of the week sometimes. I just need a day to myself, so I can sit around, veg in front of the TV, think, and blog. Lately, I've been thinking about all kinds of things. Where is my life going? Am I where I want to be? What do I want to accomplish out of this thing? Well, here are a few of the answers.

My life has been stagnant for a long time.

I am not where I want to be. I am almost 25 years old, and am thankful I have a job so
I can feel some type of independence, but at this stage in the game, I shouldn't be relying on my Mom as much as I do financially. It isn't fair to her, she has enough crap going on. Stuff I dare not write here, because that wouldn't be right.

I have accomplished one thing. I did earn my B.A. from ISU. Now, I'm not saying that isn't a good thing. But, it really hasn't done anything for me. I've worked in the food industry, in the insurance industry, in customer service.... none of that pertains to anything I studied for 4 years. All of the time, effort, tears, stress, and most importantly money pouring from my parent's bank accounts for 3 years and mine for the final 4th year. What the hell has it done?

If my Dad could see me now, I know he would be happy that I HAVE a job, and very entertained by the stories no doubt, but both he and my Mom want more for me out of this life. I WANT MORE FOR ME. But, I don't try as hard as I should to get it. Why you ask? Because I block myself. I mean c'mon, I might as well shoot for unrealistic things, I am so used to rejection in other aspects of life.. why not just go for it?
Seriously, what have I got to lose?

GAHHH!!!! I swear I should've been a hippy back in the day. I really do think I was born in the wrong era. I want to travel and write about my travels. Write about my experiences, and how it all comes together. That, would be awesome.

Well, wah wah wah... it is my blog so I get to whine, bitches! Hahaha. Only Kidding. Let's talk about politics now.

I recently listened to President Obama's State of the Union, and I must say, he made everything seem so easy, like it's just an arms length away. I don't think it is. This country, as great as it is, has ALOT of work to do before we're back on our feet again. I am glad we are bringing the troops home. The war we fought for so many years against a nearly invisible enemy has taken a toll on so many families that have lost loved ones. It's about time we bring the heroes home. I don't support WAR, but I do support the brave MEN and WOMEN that sacrifice themselves to keep the rest of us safe. Where would our country be without the organization, and yes, corruption (both seem to come hand and hand) in our government? The answer, we would wind up like so many of our counterparts, a disorganized, violent, mess of a system.

Do I agree with everything that goes on in this government? HELL NO. My opinions and views are probably too drastic to ever be taken seriously, it doesn't mean that I don't have the right to speak up and say something though. That is also the beauty of this country, I CAN SAY SOMETHING, and not worry about being arrested or dragged off by mysterious men in black suits.

I think abortion is a choice only a woman should make. YES, she should inform her partner, boyfriend, husband, hook up, whatever... however she gets pregnant that she wants to terminate it. That would be horrific if someone just went and did it, without talking it over first. It's a huge decision, one that should not be taken lightly. I am PRO CHOICE. Please don't try to change my mind on this issue. It probably won't change anytime soon. Thank you viewers.

I also think that certain substances(Mary Jaaane, hehe) should be legalized in this country. They don't cause anyone any harm, and they help terminally ill cancer patients, as well as people that deal with terrible pain day in and day out manage it, and continue to live a better pain free life. Friends of mine, as well as family members suffer horrible bouts of pain each and everyday. Some of it is due to nerve damage, some is due to muscular issues, and others an outside force caused permanent pain (such as an accident). Why do people I care about need to suffer? Why should the doctors and the pharmaceutical companies prey on them financially, prescribing them insane amounts of pain killers that have awful side effects?

Now, I guess I am a bit hypocritical here. (Let's face it, we all are at some point in life). I too, take pills to manage my dumb circulatory and sweat issues. I have Raynaud's Syndrome and Hyperhidrosis. Here is a list of the shit that I'm on just to get by... and I'm not going to lie.. for me, it works: birth control (self explanatory), oxybutynin(because my sweat glands are on overload every damn day), nifedipine(for my circulatory problems, so my hands, feet, and muscles don't throb because they aren't getting enough blood), omeprazole (I have acid reflux because my diet for the last couple of years has been greasy, disgusting food, and pop--- not anymore though), and I take a rx nasal spray every day because I used to get 2-3 sinus infections a year, and now that my nasal cavities are clean I do not.

I bet the pharmaceutical companies love me. I try hard not to rely on aspirin when my muscles ache for no reason, or due to weather. But, I don't like pain. Sorry. I told you I was a whiner. :)

I went off on a tangent. LEGALIZE IT. BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. yeah, I said it. DEAL.

Also, I have mixed feelings on marriage. With the divorce rate in this country, due to laziness, infidelity, whatever.. it's just sad. I do not see myself ever getting married. Now, this in turn does not mean that I am AGAINST IT. Why would I be against something that makes two people happy? Supposedly. People misunderstand me all the time. I just don't see marriage for MYSELF. With my past failed relationships, I have had 2 exes tell me they 'love me' and that I am the 'one for them'. All bullshit and lies I tell you. Funny, how one cheated on me with his coworker, and the other dropped me because he just didn't like me anymore. So, when is 'LOVE' real? How do you know if you want to spend the rest of your life with just one person? I guess my parents are an exception. :) They found each other in a world that gives up to quickly on love. I don't know how long they would've been married if my Dad were still alive today. We don't think about that often, it's just too painful for everybody. My parent's marriage was by no means perfect, they argued, they fought... what couple doesn't? Better to get it off your chest, then hold grudges against one another.

In all honesty. I do not think I will ever find that with someone. It is in part my fault too. I am fiercely independent emotionally, and sometimes that comes across as distant or cold. Not the case. I just don't express it verbally or physically every 5 minutes. It is something I need to work on, I am definitely immature in that regard. One day I will grow out of it, one day.

I think that's enough for now. I don't even know where all of this came from. The bowels of my brain no doubt.

Enjoy the random thoughts, or don't.

That's all.... for... now.

Almost 25 and Stayin Alive...

Happy New Year to my beloved Family and Friends! :) I hope it finds everyone happy, healthy, and ready for a fresh start. I know I am. I have a list of New Year's resolutions, I need to force myself to keep up on. Here's my brief goofy ass list:

1. work out more. Supposedly this expands one's life span, and makes for a better life overall.
2. Eat more fruits and veggies. I'm getting there, vitamin supplements aren't going to replace the goodness that's grown in the ground.
3. Think positive. I hate that I'm such a pessimist/realist, whatever. That attitude definitely needs to change if I want to see my life change too.
4. Write, write, write, again. It sucks that I haven't attempted anything really creative in years. I have no excuse for this, but pure laziness alone.
5. Don't take my family and friends for granted. This is horrible, but I do it all the time though!!!! It needs to stop.

That's all I can think of right now, if there's more, I really don't feeling like adding it here.

I had a really wonderful Xmas spent outside of the house (to escape how Xmas used to be, with all of those memories) we spent it with family, our neighbors, and friends of the family as well. It was a blast. It really kept my mind off of it. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I'm not really into holidays anymore. I spent a shit ton of money on my family, but I don't care, to me, they're worth it.

My New Year was insane. I rang in the new year with two great friends of mine, Tabitha and Melissa. We were dumb enough to go to a club downtown. Needless to say, it was a mistake and won't ever happen again. I hate large crowds of people. Smelly people, drunk people, and disgusting men that think it's ok to grab your ass and shove their member in there while dancing behind you. NOTE TO ALL MEN, IF THE GIRL WANTS YOU TO PUT THE MOVES ON HER, SHE'LL LET YOU KNOW. Not the other way around. Sometimes I want to look good and just spend time with my friends. I'm not about hooking up at clubs. Its dangerous and you never know who you're really bringing home with you. So screw that notion.

I have been happily single for 6 months now. :D No action whatsoever with any guys, just taking care of me, myself, and I. I miss sex every once in awhile, but really, who doesn't? Sex is a natural part of oneself, whether we want to admit it or not, we are all wired as sexual creatures. I see nothing wrong with it! ;) My time will come. I need to be healthier physically and emotionally before I can date seriously again. If anything happens now, it will remain casual.

What else to write about? I'm still with my temp agency and the awesome company I am not going to mention here. My contract is up in a week or so, I hope they buy it and keep me on full time. Who knows what the bosses agendas are. I've stopped worrying about it because there's no point. If its out of my hands then so be it. I show up everyday, with a nice mold-able attitude ready to learn, so hopefully they can see that.

Just wanted to do a quick little update.

That's all she wrote....

For....

Now....

Almost 25 and Stayin Alive...

Happy New Year to my beloved Family and Friends! :) I hope it finds everyone happy, healthy, and ready for a fresh start. I know I am. I have a list of New Year's resolutions, I need to force myself to keep up on. Here's my brief goofy ass list:

1. work out more. Supposedly this expands one's life span, and makes for a better life overall.
2. Eat more fruits and veggies. I'm getting there, vitamin supplements aren't going to replace the goodness that's grown in the ground.
3. Think positive. I hate that I'm such a pessimist/realist, whatever. That attitude definitely needs to change if I want to see my life change too.
4. Write, write, write, again. It sucks that I haven't attempted anything really creative in years. I have no excuse for this, but pure laziness alone.
5. Don't take my family and friends for granted. This is horrible, but I do it all the time though!!!! It needs to stop.

That's all I can think of right now, if there's more, I really don't feeling like adding it here.

I had a really wonderful Xmas spent outside of the house (to escape how Xmas used to be, with all of those memories) we spent it with family, our neighbors, and friends of the family as well. It was a blast. It really kept my mind off of it. Like I mentioned in my previous post, I'm not really into holidays anymore. I spent a shit ton of money on my family, but I don't care, to me, they're worth it.

My New Year was insane. I rang in the new year with two great friends of mine, Tabitha and Melissa. We were dumb enough to go to a club downtown. Needless to say, it was a mistake and won't ever happen again. I hate large crowds of people. Smelly people, drunk people, and disgusting men that think it's ok to grab your ass and shove their member in there while dancing behind you. NOTE TO ALL MEN, IF THE GIRL WANTS YOU TO PUT THE MOVES ON HER, SHE'LL LET YOU KNOW. Not the other way around. Sometimes I want to look good and just spend time with my friends. I'm not about hooking up at clubs. Its dangerous and you never know who you're really bringing home with you. So screw that notion.

I have been happily single for 6 months now. :D No action whatsoever with any guys, just taking care of me, myself, and I. I miss sex every once in awhile, but really, who doesn't? Sex is a natural part of oneself, whether we want to admit it or not, we are all wired as sexual creatures. I see nothing wrong with it! ;) My time will come. I need to be healthier physically and emotionally before I can date seriously again. If anything happens now, it will remain casual.

What else to write about? I'm still with my temp agency and the awesome company I am not going to mention here. My contract is up in a week or so, I hope they buy it and keep me on full time. Who knows what the bosses agendas are. I've stopped worrying about it because there's no point. If its out of my hands then so be it. I show up everyday, with a nice mold-able attitude ready to learn, so hopefully they can see that.

Just wanted to do a quick little update.

That's all she wrote....

For....

Now....

Almost Xmas....

Well, it's that time of year AGAIN. When people spend ridiculous amounts of money on gifts for their friends, loved ones, significant others, etc. Well, this year I only have to worry about spending it on my family which is always nice. I save money, and don't get to feel like kicking myself in the face after words. So, good for me.

I feel like the older I get, the Xmas magic has since left me. I'm no longer all that excited for it for opening gifts and that ol crap. I'm just happy to spend time with my family and friends. I'm happy that we're all healthy, and we get to see another year. And, I wish I didn't take people for granted the way I sometimes do. I need to change this.

But, most of all, I miss the people I've lost over the years, and it all comes back to me 'this time of of year'. There are two integral members of my family that have been gone for two years now. My Yia Yia and my Dad. Not a day goes by I don't think about either one of them, I still reel from my dad's death... but, each day I guess it gets a little easier, I find ways to deal with it.

I'm sure, like every year I will dream about them when I'm at my worst. Recently I dreamt that my Dad told me what heaven and hell were like. He looked so good in the dream. Healthy, skinny, how he was before he died. I can still see it in my mind, I woke up completely baffled as to how real it all felt. He was right there, I swear it.

I do believe loved ones that I've lost come back in mysterious ways. When someone I don't know is nice to me it could be them, when I suddenly think positively about a situation I know it's probably them. That little voice in the back of my head telling me to 'do the right thing' yeah, I know it's them.

I just wanted to write a short yet sweet post about how we should all take Thanksgiving more to heart than Xmas. Truly, be thankful for your health, the health of your family and friends, and whether you want to bite their heads off one day, or hug them into submission the next. They're HERE, with YOU, and that's all that really matters.

Be thankful for those you have in your life, we aren't promised anything, we have a short stay here, so I intend to make the most of it.

That's my 'New Year's Resolution'.

Almost Xmas....

Well, it's that time of year AGAIN. When people spend ridiculous amounts of money on gifts for their friends, loved ones, significant others, etc. Well, this year I only have to worry about spending it on my family which is always nice. I save money, and don't get to feel like kicking myself in the face after words. So, good for me.

I feel like the older I get, the Xmas magic has since left me. I'm no longer all that excited for it for opening gifts and that ol crap. I'm just happy to spend time with my family and friends. I'm happy that we're all healthy, and we get to see another year. And, I wish I didn't take people for granted the way I sometimes do. I need to change this.

But, most of all, I miss the people I've lost over the years, and it all comes back to me 'this time of of year'. There are two integral members of my family that have been gone for two years now. My Yia Yia and my Dad. Not a day goes by I don't think about either one of them, I still reel from my dad's death... but, each day I guess it gets a little easier, I find ways to deal with it.

I'm sure, like every year I will dream about them when I'm at my worst. Recently I dreamt that my Dad told me what heaven and hell were like. He looked so good in the dream. Healthy, skinny, how he was before he died. I can still see it in my mind, I woke up completely baffled as to how real it all felt. He was right there, I swear it.

I do believe loved ones that I've lost come back in mysterious ways. When someone I don't know is nice to me it could be them, when I suddenly think positively about a situation I know it's probably them. That little voice in the back of my head telling me to 'do the right thing' yeah, I know it's them.

I just wanted to write a short yet sweet post about how we should all take Thanksgiving more to heart than Xmas. Truly, be thankful for your health, the health of your family and friends, and whether you want to bite their heads off one day, or hug them into submission the next. They're HERE, with YOU, and that's all that really matters.

Be thankful for those you have in your life, we aren't promised anything, we have a short stay here, so I intend to make the most of it.

That's my 'New Year's Resolution'.

New Job/ New Outlook

I have a new job now at a pretty reputable company near my hometown. I will not disclose the name of this company, just in case they somehow link it to this website with my opinions, etc. It would be dangerous for customers to find me this way too. I had one customer ask for my last name today. How about no? I do not want to get that personal with any of them. I like this job so far. I did just start a few weeks ago, so of course, the newlywed phase will fade away as time goes on, but I am going to try and keep a positive outlook on this one. It's a bigger more professional company, and I must say it is refreshing to work around guys again. As much as I love hanging with my girls, let's face it... every woman I've encountered... including myself is super duper moody at times. I can't stand those qualities about myself let alone others. I don't like going from A-Z in the span of one day, but hell... it happens... and, I just try to get around it and leave as little destruction along my path as I possibly can. I am also enjoying being single. This truly is the first time I've been single and I haven't been 'seeing' anyone on the side while keeping it low profile and 'open'. It's rather nice to just concentrate on myself, my own wants and needs this time around. The only person I worry about keeping happy is myself... and you know what? It's right where I need to be right now. Perfecto. Halloween came and went. The 2nd anniversary of my dad's death came and went too. It's truly amazing how quickly the years really do fly by once you're out of school. This Halloween was much better than last year's. I would still like to either go out and party and/or go to an actual house party for Halloween. I miss those, but whatever... it is what it is. My friend Tabitha and I went on a Ghost Tour around Chicago last night! It was far too cold, but still alot of fun. I had no idea the city of Chicago was surrounded by so much death and despair. You learn something new everyday. Very cool history lesson as well, I would definitely do it again. She and I rounded the night off with 5.00 shots of patron, they took us to a little bar called Vintage. I wish we could have made more bar stops, but alas... it was a week night.. and apparently the world of fun must come to an end at some point. Not sure I have too much else to say at the moment other than my mom had a great birthday as well! We got her a 3 month massage membership, and went out to an Uzbekistan restaurant for dinner. It's called Diora, and everyone.... look it up... and go. The food was to DIE for, and so were the desserts. That's all she wrote.... for now...